Jared left yesterday afternoon...he will be back Thursday night, when it will be too late. I don't feel I'm obsessive over getting pregnant, but it helps me plot out my dates if I write about them. I'm bummed that this month is most likely a wash-out, but we will try again next month. It looks like my cycle will be 28-29 days. I hope that it will stay regular and trusty, like it was before everything.
Angel, I love you! You're in my heart and my thoughts...you'll never be forgotten. When I am pregnant again, and people ask if this is my first, I will tell them no. You were my baby, and I was so sad and sorry to have to say goodbye to you. Love you so much, sweetheart.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
Stuff
There's not much to update on our journey towards parenthood. Period was 4-5 days, a little shorter than what I was used to. Jared and I will try to work around his being away, and hope my cycle is a little shorter (or longer) than 29 days.
Josie, our puppy, is a lot of work. I knew she would be, but that doesn't make it better. I love it when she naps--it means I don't have to entertain her, scold her about biting things, listen to her bark or worry about her peeing in the house. I feel sure that I will love her when she's an adult, but I don't like everything that puppies entail.
Today is my Dad's birthday--we went to dinner with him this weekend and gave him his gifts. It was nice to see him, and Mom and my brother, who has just purchased his first home!
Today is also my first day of being tracked-out from my year-round school. Even with dealing with Josie, it beats a day in the classroom! I really needed this break.
Like I said, nothing of substance. Life is in those long, end of summer days where I try to soak in as much sunshine and warmth as possible, in some sort of effort not to freeze during the winter!
Josie, our puppy, is a lot of work. I knew she would be, but that doesn't make it better. I love it when she naps--it means I don't have to entertain her, scold her about biting things, listen to her bark or worry about her peeing in the house. I feel sure that I will love her when she's an adult, but I don't like everything that puppies entail.
Today is my Dad's birthday--we went to dinner with him this weekend and gave him his gifts. It was nice to see him, and Mom and my brother, who has just purchased his first home!
Today is also my first day of being tracked-out from my year-round school. Even with dealing with Josie, it beats a day in the classroom! I really needed this break.
Like I said, nothing of substance. Life is in those long, end of summer days where I try to soak in as much sunshine and warmth as possible, in some sort of effort not to freeze during the winter!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
New Start!
My period started today! It has been four months and a week since my miscarriage, and 24 days since I stopped bleeding. I felt such joy and relief when I found out. Now I can at least make a plan and start trying to conceive again. We should be able to try around the end of August.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Sunday Again
I should try to get away from only posting on Sundays. I haven't bled for fifteen days now. If things are going to be normal from now on, I would expect to start bleeding again by August 20th. It's hard to wait that out, because I'm not sure how much faith I can muster that God will allow my cycles to be normal. He hasn't given me a break yet.
He could've let us have our child, but I miscarried. He could've let the miscarriage be natural, but I needed pills. He could've let the pills work, but I needed a D&C. He could've let the D&C be complete and the bleeding stop after 2-3 weeks, but I bled for 9 weeks.
So here we are at the next "opportunity" for God to show me He is going to start blessing me again, instead of giving me pain. But if, every time you met a certain person, they struck you in the face, what would you start to expect from them after a while? I want to believe that God is turning His face back to me and will start blessing me again. But I can't bring myself to wholly expect it, because I have gone through so, so many dark things in the last three months.
He could've let us have our child, but I miscarried. He could've let the miscarriage be natural, but I needed pills. He could've let the pills work, but I needed a D&C. He could've let the D&C be complete and the bleeding stop after 2-3 weeks, but I bled for 9 weeks.
So here we are at the next "opportunity" for God to show me He is going to start blessing me again, instead of giving me pain. But if, every time you met a certain person, they struck you in the face, what would you start to expect from them after a while? I want to believe that God is turning His face back to me and will start blessing me again. But I can't bring myself to wholly expect it, because I have gone through so, so many dark things in the last three months.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Healing, At Last
It's Sunday again. I haven't bled in eight days. I find myself going to the bathroom without checking the toilet paper. It's been forever since I did that. I think, finally, that I am healing. I feel like the next bleeding will be a period, and then Jared and I can start trying again. I have started talking to God again and telling Him I want a restored relationship--for Him to come back to me, and for me to come back to Him. It's slow going.
Jared and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary on Thursday! He brought me roses and took me out to dinner. I got him a CD he asked for, and a gift card to Best Buy--his favorite store. We're just not the kind of people who need big, elaborate gifts.
On Friday, we got a puppy. Her name is Josie, and she's an English bulldog. We have been planning on getting her for a year and a half. Jared's never had a dog, but always wanted this particular breed. I had Ginger, who was a mutt. She was a great dog, and I hope Josie will be a great dog too. We're butting heads on house-training, currently.
I guess, all said and done, it's been a great week and I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm trying to go back to being more vocal in my talks with God about the good things He's done for me. But honestly, after all He has allowed me to go through, it's hard to go back to the way it was before.
Jared and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary on Thursday! He brought me roses and took me out to dinner. I got him a CD he asked for, and a gift card to Best Buy--his favorite store. We're just not the kind of people who need big, elaborate gifts.
On Friday, we got a puppy. Her name is Josie, and she's an English bulldog. We have been planning on getting her for a year and a half. Jared's never had a dog, but always wanted this particular breed. I had Ginger, who was a mutt. She was a great dog, and I hope Josie will be a great dog too. We're butting heads on house-training, currently.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Useless Update
At my appointment with the birth center last Tuesday, I had two exams that went fine, and blood work done. The blood work came back normal in every way. I also had an ultrasound on Saturday. The sonographer couldn't see a thing wrong with me--said she couldn't ask for a more perfect looking set set of ovaries and uterus. So there are still no answers.
I did stop bleeding last night and haven't really bled in the last 24 hours. But I'm not ready to say I'm healing. I stopped bleeding for five days at the beginning of this month, and then things got really bad. Maybe if I don't bleed for 10 days, I can say with certainty that I'm healing.
I cancelled my regular doctor's appointment on Friday where I was going to talk about anxiety. I guess I was hoping that I would be better soon on my own.
Tomorrow starts my second full week of kindergarten, and I've got to say, I'm not a fan. I've done three years of first grade assisting, and when I started kindergarten last year, I came in the middle of September, when the students all knew the rules and were familiar with the routine. When they come in at the beginning, they know nothing. I find myself very tired all day, all week. My patience runs thin. I loved first grade, but now the school system has changed it so that first grade assistants are paired with 2-3 teachers, instead of one. I've done that before and didn't like it at all. I'm not ready to look for something else, but I wouldn't shut the idea out entirely.
I did stop bleeding last night and haven't really bled in the last 24 hours. But I'm not ready to say I'm healing. I stopped bleeding for five days at the beginning of this month, and then things got really bad. Maybe if I don't bleed for 10 days, I can say with certainty that I'm healing.
I cancelled my regular doctor's appointment on Friday where I was going to talk about anxiety. I guess I was hoping that I would be better soon on my own.
Tomorrow starts my second full week of kindergarten, and I've got to say, I'm not a fan. I've done three years of first grade assisting, and when I started kindergarten last year, I came in the middle of September, when the students all knew the rules and were familiar with the routine. When they come in at the beginning, they know nothing. I find myself very tired all day, all week. My patience runs thin. I loved first grade, but now the school system has changed it so that first grade assistants are paired with 2-3 teachers, instead of one. I've done that before and didn't like it at all. I'm not ready to look for something else, but I wouldn't shut the idea out entirely.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)