Starting week 42!

Kathryn, you are 41 weeks developed, today!  The world around us is getting antsier and more anxious, but you, me and Jared are keeping the zen.  After all, you can't rush perfection.  We love you very much.

Here's a 41 week picture from today.  Kathryn has dropped, she is in a good position, and she continues to move a bit every day.  Jared checks for her heartbeat and movement on a daily basis.  I have been having prodromal ("fake") labor for about two and a half days--the contractions hurt, but are not overwhelming--more annoying.  They are not properly time-able--some will be 5 minutes apart, others will be 30 minutes apart, or even hours later.

The "When to Expect" website that I mentioned a few posts ago now says I have a 65% chance of delivering this week.  I really thought it would be higher than that!  They say their best guess on Kathryn's weight would be 7lbs and 13oz.  I feel like she is probably a little heavier than that.  

The last time I was at the birth center (when I was 39 weeks and 4 days), I was scheduled for a biophysical profile that's to take place tomorrow morning.  Basically, it's an ultrasound and a non-stress test, just to make sure that it's okay for us to keep waiting.  If you pray, you can pray that both of these go well and that we will not face pressure for an induction.  Jared and I want to have a natural and non-medicated birth, as long as Kathryn and I can remain safe and healthy.      

40 weeks and Chugging Along!

Kathryn, all the websites or books that I've used to update your growth, top out at 40 weeks.  Frustrating, seeing as the average first time pregnancy, when left to develop naturally, will last an average of 41 weeks and 1 day.  Anyway, today is your due date and you are comfortable where you are.  I still feel you moving around (mostly trying to stretch out your feet) and the midwife at our appointment Monday said you were in prime position for delivery--finally, straight up and down.  Your heartbeat was good at 140, and you are measuring just fine.  We love you very much.

My blood pressure is good and I've gained 30 pounds now--more than what I hoped, but only by 5 pounds.  I will not have another regular appointment with the Birth Center.  If I remain pregnant, the next time I'll go will be next Friday, for an ultrasound at UNC and then a non-stress test at the Birth Center, to make sure that it is okay to keep waiting.

Since I don't have much news to share, here's an awesome (and foul-mouthed, just a warning) blogger and her great tips for being a new dad.  I've also included her suggested comebacks for folks who ask, "Have you had that baby yet?/When are you having the baby?"

http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2010/6/7/new-dad-survival-guide-8-essential-tips.html

Comebacks for the question, "Have you had that baby yet?"

1) I'm trying to hold it in so I can finish this novel I'm reading.
2) Oh, I had it, I just left it in the car today.
3) Jerkthatstatestheobvioussayswhat?
4) Don't worry, you'll know when your husband starts paying child support.
5) I had it yesterday but I'm trying to shoplift this basketball so could you leave me alone?
6) Sure I did, I just love maternity clothes so much that I duct-taped a bowling ball onto my belly and carry on like usual.

And lastly, the top 5 things I've learned from pregnancy and the top 5 things I've appreciated/enjoyed about pregnancy.  Just for some levity and because I'm probably going to be too tired to remember much about it once Kathryn does arrive.

Top Five Things I've Learned:
(1) Give your husband just a tad more grace than you usually do.  Your hormones are making you into even more of a stereotypical crazy woman than normal.  He honestly does NOT get it, even though he's trying.  Try to be patient.
(2) Accept that there are still insanely inappropriate people out there who will say all kinds of things that should never be said to pregnant women.  But don't feel you have to let them get away with it.
(3) Everyone has advice.  Be open, listen to it, nod your head.  But don't feel like you have to do what they say, no matter who it is.  This is YOUR pregnancy and YOUR baby.  YOU know what's right for you and yours.
(4) Start early in your preparation for baby--including everything from building a registry, to figuring out what you want your nursery to look like, to exercising and eating right, etc.  You will not have the energy or patience or time to do all of this in the last trimester.
(5) Babies cost a lot even before they arrive.  While Jared and I have held to our original ban on frilly-butt clothes and have kept only a limited amount of pink "stuff", we have accepted any and all offerings from people.  If we decide we can't use part of it, we use it to bless someone else who's expecting.

Top Five Things I've Appreciated/Enjoyed:
(1) For once in my life, it's okay to have a belly!
(2) The majority of this pregnancy has been easy--moderate morning sickness (but only at home, I never got sick at work or elsewhere), no complications, manageable aches and pains.
(3) Several people in my life have given me the back-handed compliment that I have "childbearing hips/hips meant for making babies."  I actually do--my thickly built frame has done me many favors during pregnancy.
(4) I have gotten to know Jared in surprising new ways in the last ten months, and love him more and more.  He is such a great daddy already.
(5) We have been so blessed by friends and family who have given us bags of gently used items, thrown us baby showers, gifted us at baby showers, and shared in our happiness.  Thank you.

Week 39 is Starting

Hello, Kathryn!  You keep building up a layer of fat this week to help regulate your temperature once you're out, but there's no real telling anymore how much you weigh or how long you are.  Most books would say you're about the average this week, at 19-21 inches long and seven or eight pounds.  Boys tend to be a little heavier than girls at birth.  Your head has dropped a little bit into my pelvis--not enough to really hurt or affect my walk, but it's a sign that you're getting yourself ready.  You still move every day, but the peak of your movement was several weeks ago, when you had more room.  Your brain continues to grow and your pink skin is turning more white.  We love you very much.

Several people now have asked me if the midwives have changed my due date.  I figure I will take advantage of my little soapbox here to inform folks that one's due date is usually only changed within the first trimester (three months).  In fact, my midwives originally thought my due date was June 18th, based on when I *should* have ovulated, which was based on my last menstrual cycle.  However, once I had my first ultrasound, the technician was able to measure Kathryn and, with a higher degree of certainty, say that Kathryn was not big enough to be due on June 18th, and that, more likely, she was a week behind and would come around June 27th.  So, no, my due date will not be changing any.  (And if you've read some of my other posts, you know the due date is fairly meaningless, anyway!)  Speaking of, here's a link to a great article that one of my friends shared with me today.  http://voices.yahoo.com/the-lie-edd-why-due-date-isnt-you-1958162.html?cat=25   

I'm feeling uncomfortable, but not miserable.  I ask Jared to do a lot of things that require bending down or lifting, and he's great about helping.  I take some Tylenol each night to relieve my pelvic pain and help me sleep.  I go to the Birth Center on Mondays for check-ups and to the chiropractor once or twice a week to help with keeping my pelvis aligned and my ligaments nice and loose.  I do keep busy, and still have a couple of things I'd like to get done before Kathryn arrives.  This week I have made chili and sausage balls to keep for meals, received the last few things from our registry that we wanted to have before Kathryn comes, washed baby clothes and put away items in the nursery, bought nursing bras, had the car seat bases inspected, had my hair cut and nails done, and stocked up on paper and toiletry products so we don't have to worry about running out in the next few weeks.  I still feel like this pregnancy has flown by and feel very grateful that I've had no complications, drama or terribly unpleasant symptoms.  God is good to us and I try to be mindful to give thanks each day.

Week 38 starts today

Kathryn, we start week 38 today!  It really has gone fast.  You'll grow to about 6.8 or 7 pounds this week.  The average newborn weighs 7.5 pounds (that number is skewed because of inductions and C-sections that happen before the baby is ready or even "due"), and is about 20 inches long.  You've got a firm grasp and organs that are now mature enough for outside living.  Most of the hair (lanugo) and greasy covering (vernix) is disappearing.  You're plumping up your fat cells and taking in more antibodies to grow your immune system.  You're squirming and pushing, but not kicking anymore.  If your eyes are brown when you're born, they'll most likely stay brown.  If they are grey or blue, they may stay blue, or they may turn hazel or green.

We have anywhere from a day to five weeks left.  Jared and I aren't anxious--we know Kathryn will come when she's ready, and we don't want to hurry her.  She is still "floating"--her head hasn't actually rested into my pelvis.  So, that right there tells me it'll probably at least be 3 more weeks.  I still have acid reflux and some leg cramping, and swelling in my legs and feet.  Jared says my stretch marks remind him of a red watermelon--so charming.  :)  It is difficult to sleep, and painful both to lie still and to turn over.  Sometimes I take Tylenol before bed, to try and help it.

Jared and I took this morning to have our "new parent" pictures taken at the Preston Woodall House in Benson, where we were married almost five years ago.  It was fun, and we're glad the rain held off!  I'll have weekly appointments at the Birth Center on Mondays, until Kathryn decides to arrive.    

Six Months, into week 25!

Peanut, you're 24 weeks, or six months, and a day.  You've reached what's called an "age of viability", meaning if you were born now, you'd have a 50-70% chance of surviving, although you would also have a 50-60% chance of a severe disability.  We want for you to stay in for as long as you can!  Head to heels, you measure about 13 1/2 inches.  If we were still measuring crown to rump, you might be about nine inches long.  You weigh about a pound and a half and are putting on baby fat, so your skin will begin to smooth and fill out.  The skin's also becoming opaque.  We could now discern your hair color and texture if we saw it.  Your nostrils are unplugging and your vocal cords are functioning, which means possible hiccups.  By the end of this week, your finger and toe prints are visible and your eyelids begin to part and the eyes open.  We love you very much.

Jared saw you moving tonight and it was very exciting for him--he loved it.  I haven't actually taken the time to watch my belly, so I haven't seen your movements, but I do feel them on and off through the day.  Occasionally it hurts a little.  Otherwise, the acid reflux is still very bothersome.  I started Prilosec for it, which doesn't work completely but works much better than Pepcid, Zantac, etc.  I am far from graceful and have lost a lot of self-awareness when it comes to hitching up my maternity jeans, etc. 

I wanted a calm and joyful type of pregnancy, but work is more or less a hellhole, currently.  Between defiant, non-compliant, and/or disrespectful students....a non-supportive--even malicious--administration....and constant additions to all my regular duties, I dread going to work, deal with blood pressure spikes and feelings of anger/hopelessness while I'm there, and feel discouraged and crabby, or weepy, when I am home.  I have no reason to think things will change in the near future.  

It's another three weeks until the third trimester starts.  I'll have an ultrasound in three days and a birth center appointment in about 11 days.  We'll share Peanut's name sometime in the next month! 

Start of Week Twenty Four

Peanut, you're 23 full weeks and starting week 24!  At the end of the week, you'll be 6 months along, but we won't be in the third trimester until the end of week 26.  This week, you'll grow to somewhere between 1.2 and 1.5 pounds.  And you're growing to somewhere between 9 and 11 inches long, about like an ear of corn.    Your brain is growing quickly and your lungs are developing branches of the respiratory "tree".  You're making white blood cells and you can hear various loud sounds.  You've got eyelashes, eyebrows and hair, but there's no pigment yet, so the hair is all white.  We love you very much.

You're moving around daily, sort of mid-morning, early evening and at bedtime.  Jared was able to feel you move this week, and it was very exciting for him.  I wonder if he could hear you at all, if he listened to my belly.  I read to you sometimes and try to talk out loud as I go around the house.  This is my last week of track-out, so, starting March 4, I'll be back at work, and I'm really not looking forward to it.

The acid reflux is really bothering me--I think I'll have to buy a half gallon of milk to keep at work.  No pill has helped me so far.  I'm also tired a lot and achy in my pelvis.

The Monday after next is our next ultrasound, to check on the retroplacental bleed that was seen 5 weeks ago.  And it's 3 weeks until my next birth center appointment, my first shower (hosted by the school's Social Committee), and my birthday!

 24 weeks in the womb

24 week baby--note the non-pigmented eyebrows

Back from Mexico!

Jared and I took a nice little vacation to Playa del Carmen last week.  We stayed at a nice resort, ate good food, slept late, and lounged at the pool and the beach.  It was wonderful!  I kept getting a little bit sicker each day, so that was the only downside.  I guess the nausea/morning sickness is just kicking in a little slower than last time.  Last time, I got very sick at six weeks.  This time, it's only really starting to bother me at eight weeks.  I'm wearing my Seabands and chewing mint gum, but I really don't feel like doing much.

It's another nine days until my appointment at the Birth Center, and perhaps three weeks before another ultrasound.

Second Try

September is our second attempt to conceive after losing Angel in May.  I still hate seeing pregnant women and reading their Facebook posts.  I think about how far along I would be right now (seven and a half months) and what I might look like and what our nursery might look like, and what our showers would have been like.  No tears for a long time, but I still feel low if I think about it for a while.

A friend from our church small group is organizing a sort of "Christian women's infertility group" tonight.  There are eight couples in our small group...three have children, one's not trying, and four of us have had a miscarriage or haven't conceived at all for 1-2 years.  I told her I'd give it a try.  Of course I'm hoping that, in 3 weeks, I'll find that I'm pregnant again.  But I know it's never a given, even though we had such easy luck the first time around.

In other news, Josie is four months old tomorrow and just slightly less trouble than she was last month.  She's 22lbs now!  Jared is keeping busy at work, and I am prayerfully considering changing careers.  Teaching assisting is not what it used to be, and it's only going to get worse.  No one teaches for the money, but if you were GROSSING less than 25K AND you hated what you did....wouldn't you look elsewhere?  Life's too short to hate what you do.

Healing, At Last

It's Sunday again.  I haven't bled in eight days.  I find myself going to the bathroom without checking the toilet paper.  It's been forever since I did that.  I think, finally, that I am healing.  I feel like the next bleeding will be a period, and then Jared and I can start trying again.  I have started talking to God again and telling Him I want a restored relationship--for Him to come back to me, and for me to come back to Him.  It's slow going.

Jared and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary on Thursday!  He brought me roses and took me out to dinner.  I got him a CD he asked for, and a gift card to Best Buy--his favorite store.  We're just not the kind of people who need big, elaborate gifts.

On Friday, we got a puppy.  Her name is Josie, and she's an English bulldog.  We have been planning on getting her for a year and a half.  Jared's never had a dog, but always wanted this particular breed.  I had Ginger, who was a mutt.  She was a great dog, and I hope Josie will be a great dog too.  We're butting heads on house-training, currently.

I guess, all said and done, it's been a great week and I have a lot to be thankful for.  I'm trying to go back to being more vocal in my talks with God about the good things He's done for me.  But honestly, after all He has allowed me to go through, it's hard to go back to the way it was before.

The Other Half

Jared's process of grief has been much slower than mine.  Once we found out, I was numb for 1-2 hours and then unable to function in society for the rest of that day and the next.  I took that time to be in denial, to be angry at God, to be inconsolably weepy, and then to receive comfort from friends, family and eventually, God.  That week got a little better, a little easier to go on, each day.

At this point, 5 weeks to the day after we found out about the miscarriage, I feel fully functional and at peace.  I feel like I have gained closure and that my relationship with God and Jared have been stretched, but both have grown stronger.  Every once in a while, I will see something or remember something and a wave of grief will come over me and I cry.  I can't wait to stop bleeding from the D&C, to get my period, and then to start working on getting pregnant again.  But at the same time, I am apprehensive about getting pregnant again--I won't ever be able to fully enjoy pregnancy again, because I'll be worried if something is going to go wrong.

Jared is, just now, angry at God and feeling distant from Him.  He feels despair and great sadness, and has close to zero desire to start working to get pregnant again.  As there is No Normal in the grief process, I support him in wherever he happens to be and however long it takes him to work through things.  I've encouraged him to read in his Bible individually, tell God how he feels, and talk to some of the husbands who've been part of a miscarriage.  Obviously, I can't make it better for him, but what I hope is to just be a helper for him, a comfort and a friend who can make this just a little more bearable.