This morning there was a positive result! The faintest, thinnest, most beautiful line ever. I thanked God and praised Him for His blessings. Jared is so happy, and wants to call this little person "Peanut". I'll test again on Wednesday and hope for a darker, clearer line....and after that I will call the Birth Center to get back into their system!
This means that I did, in fact, get pregnant by September, which was my stated goal back in May when I had my miscarriage. God is in the details.
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Monday, October 8, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
On the Edge
I've continued to visit the bathroom more than usual each day, I feel more fatigued than normal (fell asleep on the couch tonight at nine), and my breasts are sore. I'm going to test tomorrow, five days early. The wait is making me crazy. At least there's a chance of a positive result, as opposed to waiting and not knowing. Even if it's negative, I'll test every other day until I get visual confirmation of such.
As much as I hate not knowing, I also don't want to be disappointed. Although I know that's a big possibility. But technically I shouldn't expect disappointment because I'm supposed to have hope and faith in God to answer our prayers. Do you see how confusing this is?
I feel I've lived through enough heartbreak and disappointment to know not to only and always expect good things from God. He is sovereign, and He answers a lot of my prayers with, "no". I have faith that God's will will be done, but that doesn't mean it's going to be my will, too.
Here's to all things new come morning. Possibly.
As much as I hate not knowing, I also don't want to be disappointed. Although I know that's a big possibility. But technically I shouldn't expect disappointment because I'm supposed to have hope and faith in God to answer our prayers. Do you see how confusing this is?
I feel I've lived through enough heartbreak and disappointment to know not to only and always expect good things from God. He is sovereign, and He answers a lot of my prayers with, "no". I have faith that God's will will be done, but that doesn't mean it's going to be my will, too.
Here's to all things new come morning. Possibly.
Monday, October 1, 2012
How Should I Hope?
It's been less than a week into our wait, and I am already looking for signs I might be pregnant. I feel I can't help it--I want to hope so badly, but I also don't, because I don't want to be disappointed if I'm not.
As pathetic as it sounds, I've counted the times I've visited the bathroom today so far: eight. Most days, that number is four. Maybe, five.
Of course, what does that prove? Nothing. My silly little mind, reaching out to grasp at straws. I really don't like the two week wait. I just want to know, one way or the other. Still need to wait another eight days before I can check.
As pathetic as it sounds, I've counted the times I've visited the bathroom today so far: eight. Most days, that number is four. Maybe, five.
Of course, what does that prove? Nothing. My silly little mind, reaching out to grasp at straws. I really don't like the two week wait. I just want to know, one way or the other. Still need to wait another eight days before I can check.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Second Try
September is our second attempt to conceive after losing Angel in May. I still hate seeing pregnant women and reading their Facebook posts. I think about how far along I would be right now (seven and a half months) and what I might look like and what our nursery might look like, and what our showers would have been like. No tears for a long time, but I still feel low if I think about it for a while.
A friend from our church small group is organizing a sort of "Christian women's infertility group" tonight. There are eight couples in our small group...three have children, one's not trying, and four of us have had a miscarriage or haven't conceived at all for 1-2 years. I told her I'd give it a try. Of course I'm hoping that, in 3 weeks, I'll find that I'm pregnant again. But I know it's never a given, even though we had such easy luck the first time around.
In other news, Josie is four months old tomorrow and just slightly less trouble than she was last month. She's 22lbs now! Jared is keeping busy at work, and I am prayerfully considering changing careers. Teaching assisting is not what it used to be, and it's only going to get worse. No one teaches for the money, but if you were GROSSING less than 25K AND you hated what you did....wouldn't you look elsewhere? Life's too short to hate what you do.
A friend from our church small group is organizing a sort of "Christian women's infertility group" tonight. There are eight couples in our small group...three have children, one's not trying, and four of us have had a miscarriage or haven't conceived at all for 1-2 years. I told her I'd give it a try. Of course I'm hoping that, in 3 weeks, I'll find that I'm pregnant again. But I know it's never a given, even though we had such easy luck the first time around.
In other news, Josie is four months old tomorrow and just slightly less trouble than she was last month. She's 22lbs now! Jared is keeping busy at work, and I am prayerfully considering changing careers. Teaching assisting is not what it used to be, and it's only going to get worse. No one teaches for the money, but if you were GROSSING less than 25K AND you hated what you did....wouldn't you look elsewhere? Life's too short to hate what you do.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
New Start!
My period started today! It has been four months and a week since my miscarriage, and 24 days since I stopped bleeding. I felt such joy and relief when I found out. Now I can at least make a plan and start trying to conceive again. We should be able to try around the end of August.
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