Telling the Coworkers, and Week 6

I managed to cajole Jared into sending me flowers at work today, as a way to tell my coworkers at school.  The flowers arrived after lunch and our secretary brought them down to me.  I showed them off, and it took everyone a couple turns of the wheels in their heads to figure out what was what.  But when they did, everyone was happy for me and gave congratulations.  

Today is the first day of your sixth week, Peanut.  You measure a 1/5 to a 1/4 of an inch, about the size of a regular nail head.  Your jaws, cheeks and chin are forming.  Your ears, eyes and nose are beginning to form. And your lungs, liver and kidneys are starting to take shape.  Your heart beats 80 times a minute and gets faster daily.  We love you very much.

I have to say, Jared and I find it much more difficult to be excited about this pregnancy.  We were so naive our first time--nothing bad could ever happen to us, we thought.  We skipped any readings on miscarriage and anything else that could go wrong.  We daydreamed and talked about Angel (then Jellybean) on a daily basis.  We came to an agreement on names and were starting to think about how we wanted to decorate her room.  And then, everything crashed.

So this time, without really wanting to be, we are much more cautious.  I reached a point of frustration last night and cried to Jared that it almost felt we were ignoring the fact I was pregnant.  He's been much better since then.  I don't want to live out my pregnancy just "waiting to lose the baby".  It's not a good use of time or energy.

But I am nervous.  At six weeks last time, things were fine.  At seven, morning sickness came, and three weeks later, Angel died, of no apparent cause.  I want to believe things will be different this time--I have to, if I want to keep my wits.  And yet, I am nervous all the time.