Twelve Weeks...and a day

I am a little late this week--yesterday was very full!  Peanut, you are starting week 13.  Information differs on whether you will grow to the size of a lime or a small peach this week.  Your intestines are moving from the umbilical cord into your abdomen, and your kidneys are making urine.  This week, you will start making reflexes.  Your fingers will soon begin to open and close, your toes will curl, your eye muscles will clench, and your mouth will make sucking movements.  You can move your arms and legs, and may be able to get your thumb to your mouth.  We love you very much.

Morning sickness has been pretty evil--2 or 3 times a day and nausea all day long--but knock on wood, I am feeling better so far today.  I do have some sinus issues, so I am still not feeling "great", but at least I have been spared nausea for the past four hours or so!  All but 1 pair of jeans and 2 pairs of dress pants are too small for me now.  I am trying to wait until January to shop, when clothes should be on sale, but I may have to break down and buy some new ones now.  I can gently press in the fat above my belly button and clearly see the "baby bump" below.

Our first trimester ultrasound screening is on Tuesday, 4 days away.  This is the test where we found out Angel was gone.  I feel like, if it goes well, this would really be the turning point on my worry and my ability to enjoy this pregnancy.  The test would tell us the probability of Peanut having Down's Syndrome or other mental or physical incapacities.  I am not really worried about that--none of it runs in either of our families, and we are healthy and young.  And even if something like that did come to pass, Peanut, we still want you.  We still love you.  It doesn't really change anything. 

Start of Week 12

Peanut, you are 11 full weeks today!  You are still growing a lot.  You are about the size of a large plum, or a fig.  Your digestive system is practicing contractions so you can eat, your pituitary gland is producing hormines, and your bone marrow is making white blood cells to fight off germs.  This week you will grow to a 1/2 ounce, and 2 inches long.  We love you very much.

I caught a stomach virus my first day back at work, and was knocked on my back on Tuesday.  I had horrible vertigo and dizziness, and severe vomiting.  It lasted about 24 hours and left me weak, but it's over.  "F" stands for frightening, freakish, and also my bra size.  It is terrifying and I need them to stop growing now!  If I press into my abdomen, I can feel the top of my uterus now.  And morning sickness, with help from the stomach virus, seemed to peak on Tuesday and has settled slightly the last two days.  We'll see if that trend continues.

Today, I finally got my first trimester screening ultrasound scheduled.  Instead of being within the week, it is another 11 days away.  The last (first) time we had this test, we found out Angel had passed away.  So, I am very nervous for this test and feel like I could truly breathe easier if everything goes well.

A baby in the womb at 12 weeks

Start of Week Eleven

Peanut, you are 10 full weeks old!  I am a little anxious this week.  This past May, Angel passed away when she was 10.5 weeks old.  I am worried about possibly having to relive this trauma.  Also, Angel's due date was to be this Saturday.  As happy as I am to have you in my life, Peanut, I still miss Angel.

Well, this coming week, you will grow to be 2 inches long and will weigh a third of an ounce.  You really look like a little person, with hands and feet at the front of your body, open nasal passages on the tip of your nose, a tongue and palate in your mouth, and ears nearly in their final shape.  Hair follicles will form and fingernail and toenail beds will, too.  Your fingers and toes are all individual and separately formed, not webbed anymore.  If you are a girl, your ovaries are developing!  We love you very much.

More smells seem to bother me lately, just random things, but especially Josie, our bulldog.  It feels like the house doesn't even smell like a place for people anymore.  I am also still a bit nauseous, but not as bad as the last two weeks.  I'm also moody and irritable, which I feel bad about.  I track back in to school on Monday for three weeks, before Christmas break starts.  Hopefully it will be a decent transition.  I did decide to stay with my job as long as I have Peanut, instead of going to look for something else.  It's not a good time for a career change, and I need the good health insurance that I get for working for the state.

I have my first appointment with the midwives at the Birth Center in an hour and a half!  I am really hoping everything looks great and that I will be able to hear Peanut's heartbeat.  If I'm not, I want to ask for another ultrasound on Friday.  I can't wait another two weeks without knowing if Peanut is okay or not.

9 Weeks Today--Start of Week 10

Happy Thanksgiving!

We're in the third month!  It occurs to me that I'm posting one week behind what I should be...so let's catch up, shall we?  Peanut, this past week, you "officially" became a fetus, as opposed to an embryo.  Jared and I don't think in those terms--you are our baby, and a person, no matter how small.  You also grew to one inch in length and tiny muscles started to form.

This coming week, you will grow to an inch and a half, about the size of a prune.  Bones and cartilage will be forming.  Your tiny knees and ankles will start forming, and your elbows are already working!  Tiny baby teeth will form and your stomach and kidneys are working hard.  If you are a boy, you will start producing testosterone this week.  We love you very much.

As for me...wow, morning sickness is really digging in!  The last four days, I have felt sick almost the whole day, with dry heaves/vomiting 2-3 times a day.  Breasts are sore, visiting the bathroom a lot, still feeling tired a lot.  Also, I've noticed that I really don't like sweets as much.  Lemonade and sweet tea taste like liquid sugar, and it's awful.  I have no desire for chocolate, ice cream, etc.  I would rather have acidic or salty foods.  Milk is also really good.

It's one week until I go to the Birth Center for our "first" visit.  They will try to hear the heart beat, and I really pray that they will be able to find it.  Last time, they couldn't find it, and I spent another few days thinking everything was fine, before we found out for sure that Angel was gone.  This time, if they can't find it, I will be wrapped up in anxiety and dread.  While we're talking about Angel, her due date would've been in another nine days.  Love you, Angel.  Miss you.

8 Weeks, Starting Week 9

Today starts week 9, Peanut!  You are 5/8 of an inch long, the size of a kidney bean.  Fingers and toes are poking out of your limb buds, and your eyelids are forming over your eyes.  Your joints have formed in your arms and legs, and so have some breathing tubes in your throat, and nerve cells in your brain.  You are starting to make twitches in the womb and hopefully in the next week or two, we will be able to hear your heartbeat on dopplar.  We love you very much.

Jared and I flew to Mexico today, and I happened to throw up for the first time of this pregnancy while on the plane.  Lucky me!  Breasts are sore, still tired a lot, but I haven't been visiting the restroom as much. 

Like I said, Jared and I are on a little vacation--a "babymoon", if you will.  We are here in Playa del Carmen, Mexico, staying at a lovely resort.  It's so nice to get away and relax!

Peanut, stay safe and healthy, and keep growing! 

Seven Full Weeks, Start of Week Eight!

Peanut, you are growing fast!  You are about half an inch long, the size of a raspberry.  Your legs, back, eyelids, nose and lips are taking shape.  Your heart is beating around 150 times a minute, and you will start making little movements this week--twitching your legs and arms!  We love you very much.

The biggest symptom I notice is the exhaustion.  I never seem to get enough sleep, and I am tired all day.  I am grumpy at work and cranky at home.  And I don't want to be that way, so that makes me all the more irritable!  My breasts are sore, I visit the bathroom a lot, and I do have nausea, although it's manageable so far.

We have shared our news with coworkers, our small group, our church and our neighbors...and in three days (Sunday) our families will know, too!  Last time we told them first--but we don't feel it's a necessity.  We'll share with everyone else on Monday, and then it'll be a waiting time until my first real appointment in three weeks, when I'll be ten weeks along.  It seems the last week or two have gone by incredibly slowly!

That Familiar, Sickly Feeling

"Morning" sickness started today!  Although it was really just the nausea part.  I felt sick off and on today, and wore my Seabands all day.  I have been saying that I'd rather be very sick and know that Peanut was doing OK, than feel fine and worry about it.  So, I better not complain too much about it!  I am thankful for this little life and pray that God will let us keep him/her.  Five days until we tell our families, and then the world! :)

Six Weeks, Take Two

Peanut, today is the day you are really six weeks, and starting on week seven!  Your nose, mouth and ears are taking shape.  Your arm and leg buds are coming out.  Your intestines and pituitary gland are forming, and your lungs have started to appear.  You are a quarter of an inch long.  We love you very much!

I have been so, so tired the last week or so.  It comes out at being withdrawn or grouchy at work, and irritable or complaining at home.  I fall asleep if I lay on the couch too long.  I also have sore breasts, go to the bathroom a lot, and have had some vivid dreams.  No morning sickness, cravings or aversions yet.  I've thanked God for letting Peanut be okay up to now, and every time it crosses my mind, I ask God to continue to keep him/her safe, healthy and living.

Ten days until we tell family, eleven until we tell the world, and four weeks until my next appointment with the Birth Center. 

Not As Old As First Thought

Peanut, we thought you were older than you are!  The ultrasound technician measured you today and said you would be six weeks tomorrow.  We thought you would be seven full weeks today!

This is not a cause for worry, yet.  I did ovulate 3-4 days late, so I knew that would push me off by a little.

We did get to hear your heartbeat, which was going at 105 beats a minute.  This is good for almost six weeks.

You are due on June 27th now, not June 19th.  That's OK, as long as you come out healthy and living.

Jared and I feel happy and relieved, for now.  We are thanking God that He is with us and He is letting Peanut grow and be healthy.  It will be another 5-6 weeks before my appointment at the Birth Center, and then another ultrasound.  We will tell family and friends in two weeks!

We love you very much.

Start of Week Seven

Peanut, you are six full weeks and starting the seventh.  This week, you will grow to 10,000 times bigger than you were at conception--about the size of a blueberry.  You are generating about 100 brain cells a minute.  Your arm and leg buds are forming and dividing into their segments.  Your mouth and tongue are forming.  And, your kidneys are in place.  We love you very much.

Peanut, an idea wormed its way inside my head a few days ago and refuses to budge.  I am terrified that you may be a blighted ovum, and not a viable, healthy pregnancy.

During my last pregnancy, I started getting morning sickness on the first day of my seventh week.  I also was getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and visiting the bathroom 5-6 times while at work.  My breasts were so sore I could hardly shower, and I was exhausted to the point of silliness.

This time, I have no morning sickness, only visit the bathroom 2 times at work, maybe 5 times over a day, my breasts are vaguely sore but nothing terrible, and I am pretty tired.

This lack of symptoms worries me greatly.  I would rather be sick as a dog, morning and night, and know that things were progressing fine...than to feel fine and worry incessantly like this.  I have a whole week to fail at not dwelling on this until my ultrasound, where I guess I'll find out one way or the other.

I want to have faith, but doubt yells so much louder for my attention.

Telling the Coworkers, and Week 6

I managed to cajole Jared into sending me flowers at work today, as a way to tell my coworkers at school.  The flowers arrived after lunch and our secretary brought them down to me.  I showed them off, and it took everyone a couple turns of the wheels in their heads to figure out what was what.  But when they did, everyone was happy for me and gave congratulations.  

Today is the first day of your sixth week, Peanut.  You measure a 1/5 to a 1/4 of an inch, about the size of a regular nail head.  Your jaws, cheeks and chin are forming.  Your ears, eyes and nose are beginning to form. And your lungs, liver and kidneys are starting to take shape.  Your heart beats 80 times a minute and gets faster daily.  We love you very much.

I have to say, Jared and I find it much more difficult to be excited about this pregnancy.  We were so naive our first time--nothing bad could ever happen to us, we thought.  We skipped any readings on miscarriage and anything else that could go wrong.  We daydreamed and talked about Angel (then Jellybean) on a daily basis.  We came to an agreement on names and were starting to think about how we wanted to decorate her room.  And then, everything crashed.

So this time, without really wanting to be, we are much more cautious.  I reached a point of frustration last night and cried to Jared that it almost felt we were ignoring the fact I was pregnant.  He's been much better since then.  I don't want to live out my pregnancy just "waiting to lose the baby".  It's not a good use of time or energy.

But I am nervous.  At six weeks last time, things were fine.  At seven, morning sickness came, and three weeks later, Angel died, of no apparent cause.  I want to believe things will be different this time--I have to, if I want to keep my wits.  And yet, I am nervous all the time.