Starting week 35!

This is the last week of Month Eight....time has gone so slowly lately!  Kathryn, at the end of this week you will probably be 19-20 inches long and 5.5 pounds--about the weight of a honeydew melon.  You may have topped out on your height by now, but you'll continue to gain about a half a pound every week from now on.  Your brain and lungs continue to develop at a quick pace.  We love you very much.

We had an appointment today and I was so disappointed to find out that the baby is in an oblique breech position.  This is when the baby's head is pointing toward mom's hip, instead of down toward the cervix: 

I was advised to sit on our birthing ball (an exercise ball) as much as possible from here on out, to get her to turn.  One of my biggest fears at this point is that Kathryn remains breech and I'm forced to get a C-section.  My uterus is measuring fine and I've gained 22 pounds--the average women have gained 24-29 by now. 

We did run up against some opposition to our birth plan today.  In it, we share that we don't want to receive Pitocin to help deliver the placenta after the birth.  The midwife I saw today is the one our Bradley Method birth instructor called out specifically as a strong advocate to this "active management of the third stage of labor".  She read that part of our birth plan, and immediately wanted to argue with us about it, saying she hoped that we would abandon that idea and trust her and her experience of being at 3,000 births thus far.  There was a little fear-mongering, too--I was surprised but very glad that our birth instructor had already taught us about this and warned us about this exact situation!

As for me: I tire easily, and I have a lot of achiness and painful pressure in my pelvis.  Sometimes when I get up, it feels like my pelvic bones will break.  I still have occasional acid reflux, and I don't sleep well.  Honestly, not very much to complain about, considering all the symptoms considered normal!

Jared's co-workers threw us a shower this past week--I'm glad that Jared is thought of so highly that they wanted to do that for us!  It was very special.  We have another shower--our fourth and last--this coming Sunday with our church's connect group and other church friends.  Looking forward to spending time with everyone together!    

Scare

Peanut, you gave us a scare today!  Or maybe I just scared myself.  I had the "perfect storm" of anxiety brewed.
First, at your anatomy scan, we were told there was a retroplacental bleed (an area of blood behind the placenta, between it and the uterus).  The doctor wanted us to come back in six weeks to check on it--worst case scenario, it could lead to placenta abruption, which would be very dangerous for me and almost certainly fatal for you.
Second, our sweet friends at church lost their little girl a week ago, and we were almost the same length of time along.
Third, I had gotten used to feeling you move at regular intervals over the last 10 days, and Saturday, Sunday and Monday I nearly didn't feel you at all.  My normal discharge decreased, and my abdomen was tender, but very firm.
So, I called the Birth Center Monday, expecting a "silly first time mom, everything's fine, don't worry", but instead they asked me how far away I lived and if I could make it in to check for a heartbeat today.  This frightened me so badly that I started to cry and could hardly think straight, except to call Jared and my mom.  I asked some friends to pray, and asked mom to help me by asking some people to pray.  Jared took off work for a couple of hours to come with me to the Birth Center, where they were running 30 minutes behind (SO hard, I nearly went rummaging for the doppler myself).  The midwife got me on the table and put the doppler wand directly onto Peanut's heartbeat.  It was just fine, between 140 and 150, and the midwife said she was moving right then.  She looked at me and said, "did you feel that?"  I said no, and she said that she felt it from outside my belly--Peanut kicked up at the doppler and physically bumped the wand away.  I didn't feel it at all!

So, I was so relieved that I started crying again, and then I felt really silly, like Henny Penny who ran around telling everyone the sky was falling, when really an acorn just fell on her head.  I am very thankful for all the people who were praying for us--I was able to keep fairly calm after that initial response from the phone call.  I'm sure that was due to prayers.

20 weeks, starting #21

Whew!  Today has been a busy day of travel by air and by car--Mom and I are visiting Mimi and other family in Alabama for a few days. 

Peanut, you are 10.5 ounces heavy, 6.5 to 7 inches from "crown to rump", and about 10 inches from head to heel--the length of a banana.  Before now, you were always measured crown to rump, but from now on, you'll be measured head to heel.  You're swallowing more amniotic fluid these days, which is good practice for your digestive system.  You might even taste the things that I eat.  And you're producing meconium, which will become your first stool.   You are steadily gaining fat to keep warm, and buds for permanent teeth are beginning to form.  We love you very much.

I got sick again this past week--once every 7-10 days, like clockwork.  I'm still very tired, and I wonder if I'm getting enough iron--I will ask the midwives about it when I go in a few weeks.  I'm obviously pregnant now, not just fat.  And I am getting clumsy!  My center of gravity is off, and I teeter forward a little--I have to be careful if I'm on stairs or an escalator.  It is becoming more work to get out of the car, get up out of bed, or stand up from the couch. 

I am still not sure I am feeling Peanut move--there's nothing I can be certain of to say, "that was Peanut", instead of "that was gas/digestion/hunger".  I try not to worry about it, but I do.  At our anatomy scan, the only concern the doctor had was a small area of blood between the placenta and the uterus.  Those are supposed to completely line up and stay attached at all times.  The doctor didn't put me on limited activity or bed rest or anything, but he did schedule me for another ultrasound, mid-March, to see if the issue was resolving itself.  He said my body might re-absorb the blood; I might pass the blood; or worst-case, the blood would spread and pull the placenta completely away from the uterus.  This would be very dangerous for me and almost certainly fatal to Peanut.  Like I said, the doctor didn't seem very concerned, and I am trying not to worry.  But I am still cautious and a little anxious after losing Angel.    If you think about it, please pray that this issue would fix itself and that Peanut will be fine.   

18th Week!

Seventeen full weeks and starting week eighteen, Peanut!  You are 5-5 1/2 inches long, and 5-5 1/4 ounces heavy.  You are practicing more reflexes and movements, like yawning, hiccups, stretching, swallowing, and frowning.  Your taste buds are developing and can distinguish sweet from bitter.  Also, your skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone.  Your sweat glands are developing and you have unique fingerprints on your fingers and toes.  We love you very much.

I am getting sick once every 7-10 days, it seems.  It's still annoying.  I feel okay--just tired, and I can lose my temper or patience a lot easier than I used to.  I'm not really having symptoms, it feels like.  I see a little belly, but I'm not feeling movement that couldn't possibly be gas, hunger or digestion.  It's a little disconcerting, and then I get sick again, and hope that that means everything is okay.

The next regular appointment is 5 days away, and our next ultrasound is some time in the next month.  Before the next gestation week starts, we'll start asking for guesses so we can record what everyone thinks Peanut is.  I really hope Peanut will make it clear--it's very possible that they'll be feeling shy and we won't have a clue.   

Choose

Tomorrow morning is the first of several milestones.  I have to consciously choose not to worry about it.  Worry is a detriment and unhealthy.  It does no good, only harm.  And yet, don't we cling to it?  Don't you catch yourself in your thoughts, being caught up by whatever happens to be wrong at that given moment?  It's such a difficult thing to let go of.  I am trying so hard to be positive and to trust that God is actually going to bless us with a healthy, living child this time.

4 More Days

I've been better today and yesterday about not worrying so much.  If something's already happened, then worrying about it won't fix it.  If everything is fine, then there's nothing to worry about.  Either way, worrying doesn't do anything but harm.

Tomorrow afternoon, I'll send an email to the ladies in my church connect group that have also had trouble conceiving.  I'd like them to know in a more indirect way before we tell everyone face to face on Monday night.

Four days until our ultrasound....

Start of Week Seven

Peanut, you are six full weeks and starting the seventh.  This week, you will grow to 10,000 times bigger than you were at conception--about the size of a blueberry.  You are generating about 100 brain cells a minute.  Your arm and leg buds are forming and dividing into their segments.  Your mouth and tongue are forming.  And, your kidneys are in place.  We love you very much.

Peanut, an idea wormed its way inside my head a few days ago and refuses to budge.  I am terrified that you may be a blighted ovum, and not a viable, healthy pregnancy.

During my last pregnancy, I started getting morning sickness on the first day of my seventh week.  I also was getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and visiting the bathroom 5-6 times while at work.  My breasts were so sore I could hardly shower, and I was exhausted to the point of silliness.

This time, I have no morning sickness, only visit the bathroom 2 times at work, maybe 5 times over a day, my breasts are vaguely sore but nothing terrible, and I am pretty tired.

This lack of symptoms worries me greatly.  I would rather be sick as a dog, morning and night, and know that things were progressing fine...than to feel fine and worry incessantly like this.  I have a whole week to fail at not dwelling on this until my ultrasound, where I guess I'll find out one way or the other.

I want to have faith, but doubt yells so much louder for my attention.

Signed Up

I called UNC again this morning and they scheduled me for an ultrasound next Wednesday.  If I had the "perfect" 28 day cycle, I'd be seven weeks that day, but I know I ovulated about three days late, so I may only be 6.5 weeks when I go in.  I am already nervous.

People ask me how I'm feeling, and I say I wish I felt worse, so that I'd know everything was going well.  As it is, I've had no morning sickness, no obvious bloat.  My breasts are tender but not achy, I'm tired but not WOW tired, and I visit the bathroom more, but not the ridiculous number of times like my last pregnancy.

Jared and I pray every day, usually multiple times, for this baby to be healthy and living.  I am scared to run, get mad, drink coffee, lift anything more than a book, accidentally eat something I shouldn't....I worry that anything could cause me to lose this child.  I think I will feel a little better if I can see that he/she's doing okay at seven weeks.

Always with the Waiting

Over the weekend, I had some throbbing, pulling, and cramping in my abdomen, and it was all I could do to wait until the Birth Center opened this morning to call and tell them about it.  They asked a few questions and, though they did cite a legitimate reason for such feelings, I told them I'd feel better if I had an ultrasound.  They understood and said they would call UNC to ask them to schedule me.  They said I'd need to wait until I'm seven full weeks (next Wednesday, the 31st) for a better chance to actually see the baby and their heartbeat.  On top of that long (to me) wait, I didn't get a call from UNC at all today.  The Birth Center faxed over my information late in the day, around 3:30, and I called them at 4:30, but they had already closed up shop.  I really do hate that, when companies say they're open until 5:00, but you call at 4:30 and a robot answers.  I hope I can get in first thing in the morning next Wednesday.