Three months? Really?

In a way, it feels like Kathryn's only been here a few weeks.  In other ways, though, it feels like it's been longer than three months.  I still recall our lives before her, and sometimes I do miss things.  Such as, I used to be able to hop in and out of the car quickly.  I used to set an alarm clock.  I used to garden and wander around the yard doing little things.  But as I told Kathryn today, I am so glad to have her in my life.  God gave us the best baby He had.

When we weighed Kathryn on October 8th (3 months exactly), she was 13 pounds and 2 ounces.  That means that in one months, she moved from the 50th percentile in weight to the 69th percentile.  I'm not sure how long she is now, but at two months, she was 90th percentile on that.

Listening to peoples' experiences with their own infants, and dire predictions of "you'll never sleep again" or "just accept you'll be wearing spit-up and poop for the next year", I expected a much less pleasant experience.  But, ever since I worked through the postpartum depression, I've had a wonderful time being a mom.  I consider this a huge blessing from God--not anything I did.  Kathryn's been sleeping through the night for about eight weeks.  And by "through the night", I mean from about 10pm to 7am.  She does not fight sleep, and she sleeps deeply and soundly.  We can live our lives normally around her while she does her baby snoring.  

And yes, she spits up some, but it's nothing that gross--just a mixture of formula and water that happened to come back up.  And I'll spare you diaper details, but it's nothing worse than picking up after the dog.  Kathryn doesn't like dirty diapers and loves to be changed.  She smiles beautifully--sometimes, from the moment she wakes up to the moment she closes her eyes at night!

 
She is a happy girl who tolerates everything well.  She loves bath time, "talking", music, movement and lights, being on her tummy, trying to sit up--everything is fun to her.  So far, I haven't had a moment where she couldn't be consoled, or a moment where she has cried for more than 15 minutes.

I am beyond thankful for Kathryn and how mellow she is, but I try not to get too used to it.  I know we will have valleys to go through.  And I will love her just as much in those hard times, too.

Bravery?

My post about my postpartum depression made some waves, in my pool of friends and beyond.  I've gotten several notes about it--some from people I know, and some from people I haven't met yet.  Most of these notes called me "brave" for speaking about it.  I appreciate this sentiment and it was so kind for people to write, but I want the shoe to be on the other foot--I want for people who hold a stigma about mental health to have to be brave.

Brave enough to confront the fact that they hold such a stigma.

Brave enough to treat me, and anyone else with a mental health issue, the same as you'd treat someone that was struggling with asthma.  After all, they're both simply illnesses.

Brave enough to cast off that stigma about people with mental health issues and speak out in favor of a more supportive and accepting view.

As an update, Kathryn is ten weeks old today and I feel good.  I take 75 mg of Zoloft each morning and I keep the telephone number of my counselor close by, in case I feel I need some extra support.  I have several supportive friends at church who check in with me and invite me to things, and both sets of parents check in often.  I am aware I also have a lot of prayer support that continues each day.

I love spending time with Kathryn and often ask Jared to let me hold her more, even though he's home from work and wants to love on her some.  I'm able to get chores and errands done at a fairly good pace, and I feel hopeful and confident about each day and the future.  I am so thankful to God for His many blessings in my life.

I'm humbled and glad that some people have found my openness to be helpful and emboldening.  But I want to see this go farther.  Mental health issues are not rare.  An estimated 26.4 percent of adult Americans (that means about 1 in 4 people) have a mental disorder in any given year.  This includes anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD, bipolar, etc.  In total, that's about 60 million Americans.  And none of us should feel we have to hide it.  Hiding it or ignoring it only makes the disorder worse!  Instead, talk about it and seek treatment.  Reach out to family, friends, a pastor or a counselor.  Dare people to confront the stigma and change it.  Do not accept (or fear) peoples' negative (and ignorant) judgement based simply upon an illness.        

2 Month Well Visit

Kathryn, you are 9 weeks today, but you were officially 2 months old yesterday.  We visited Dr. Ennis this afternoon, and she's very happy with your progress!  You are 23.5 inches long (90th percentile), your head circumference is 15.5 inches (70th percentile), and you weigh 10lb 12oz (50% percentile).  It seems you may be a tall girl!

You got five shots in your legs today, and also got the oral vaccine.  You were straining for more of the oral vaccine, because it tastes sweet.  The shots weren't fun--you screamed, but you were calm again within two minutes.

Dr. Ennis said you seemed developmentally on track in every way.  Daddy and I are glad to hear that!

Milestones

Kathryn, you are only seven weeks old and already you can do so much!

You started lifting your head at 1.5 weeks, and you're very good at it now.  Another couple of weeks and I think you'll have full head control.

You are very attentive--you started tracking at two weeks.  You like to follow objects and people with your eyes.  It seems you're always ready to learn!

You started to coo at four weeks.  You now make sounds like "guh", "ahh", "ehh" and "buh".  I talk back to you--I say "yum", "ma", "bee", and "oh".

You recognize me and Jared and you calm down from crying when we walk into your line of sight.

You slept through the night at 5.5 weeks old, and have been making it a habit since then.  You now sleep 7-9 hours straight each night!

You haven't quite "discovered" your hands--as in, looking at them--but you do use them to reach for things and to move things.  You smile so big when you manage to move one of your hanging toys by touching it.

You laughed for the first time yesterday, at seven weeks old.  We all want to hear more of that fun sound!

I have postpartum depression.

This blog started with a similar, blunt statement--that I had a miscarriage.  These two topics seem to have a "taboo" label on them, and I don't agree with it.  Both are (sadly) common occurrences--why should anyone feel they should be ashamed or unable to talk about it?

Yes, I have postpartum depression.  Kathryn's stay in the NICU kept me in "crisis mode" so that I was able to effectively push it away and ignore it.  But, the second day we were home, I noticed a marked change in my attitude towards Kathryn, myself and life in general.  I wasn't hungry and forgot meals.  I didn't want to see anyone or go anywhere.  I found it near impossible to smile, laugh, or engage in a conversation.  I looked at Kathryn and almost felt an aversion, rather than a bond.  While she slept, I had anxiety, dreading the moment she would wake up and need something from me.  I didn't sleep, and it wasn't because of Kathryn, it was me.

I knew I was at risk for PPD.  My mental health history includes some general anxiety and ADD.  So I didn't wait long to talk with the midwives and seek help.  By day five of being home from the hospital, I was on a prescription and had the name of a Christian counselor to schedule an appointment with.  The midwives also called my family to give them information on PPD and some tangible ways they could help me.

The week after that was one of the lowest points I've ever had.  My mother was there, faithfully, each day.  She had to make sure I ate, slept, got off the couch and out of the house, and even had to make sure I fed Kathryn and interacted with her.  I felt no love towards my child--she could've been anyone's newborn, for all I cared about her.  I knew that feeling was wrong, but please try and understand that IT WASN'T HOW I TRULY FELT.  My mind, my depression, was creating that lack of feeling.

If you find yourself feeling this way at all, please get help.  Talk to someone you trust.  These feelings aren't an honest reflection of you as a parent or a person, so there is no reason to be ashamed or keep it hidden.  It is NOT YOUR FAULT for having postpartum depression.  As I said at the beginning, it is very common after giving birth to find yourself in some level of depression, and you should always have someone you can talk with about how you are feeling.

A week after I started taking medicine, I felt a new change--I was able to smile!  I was able to get myself dressed for a dinner date and enjoy it.  Each day after that, I felt a little more "normal".  I began to seek out time with Kathryn, instead of dreading it.  I enjoyed food and I could sleep again.  I felt more confident in my ability to function through each day.  My mother-in-law spent that second week with me, another blessing.

I've been on medicine for about a month now, and have had a few meetings with the counselor.  I feel "back to normal" at this point, and am so glad that I sought help immediately.  I couldn't imagine trying to fight through those feelings for another day, much less another week or even a month!  I'll urge you again, if any of the above sounds like your life, or if you recognize someone else with these feelings, please get help.  Postpartum depression isn't anything to be ashamed of.  You didn't do anything to get it, and there's not any proven way to prevent it.  But there are many resources to treat it!

Those negative feelings--they weren't me.  That was just the depression talking.  Kathryn's six weeks old now, and I love her dearly.  I love to spend time with her and get so much joy out of having her in my life.  She's so smart, beautiful, and strong!  This is the way I truly feel about my daughter.  I am so thankful for modern medicine, my attentive midwives, the wisdom of Christian counseling, and the prayers, love and practical care from Jared and both of our families.

One Month Old

Amazingly, 33 days have passed since Kathryn was born--she's 4.5 weeks old now!  She had her one month doctor check-up today.  Here are the highlights:

She weighs 8lbs 12oz --50th percentile.
She's 22.5 inches long--75th percentile.
Her head circumference is 14.75 inches--50th percentile.

She has a mild case of cradle cap that Jared and I will take care of with a special shampoo.

Her reddened eyelids are actually a common birthmark that will fade with time--they are usually termed "angel kisses".  The redness will be more noticeable when she is excited or upset, for up to two years of age.

She is meeting developmental milestones a little ahead of schedule--she coos, grunts, tracks objects side to side and up and down, and is just starting to smile intentionally.  When on her stomach, she can hold her head up for a few seconds, and today she batted at a toy hanging above her.

She got one shot today, and she is a VERY sensitive soul when it comes to those!  The needle went in, and you could see the shock register in her face as she arched her back and took in the deepest breath she could before screaming.  She hasn't had tears up to this point (newborns' tear ducts are immature), but when she cried from getting her shot, the tears came rolling.  Bless her heart--at her two month appointment, she'll be getting five shots.

All in all, she's doing great!

Happy One Week!

Kathryn, you made your debut at 5:33am last Monday, July 8th, 2013.  You were born at UNC Hospital in Chapel Hill.  You were 7 pounds and 13 ounces, and you were 19.3 inches long.  We love you very, very much.

After a week's worth of prodromal (non-productive) labor, I went into true labor Sunday morning around 9am.  I labored at home until 4 or 5 pm when we drove to the Birth Center.  Allison was on call.  I mostly labored in the tub or on my side on the bed.  Everything hurt, and I kept throwing up, which made me extremely dehydrated.  Eventually I labored to 9.7 centimeters dilated and completely effaced, but I had no energy to finish it out.  Plus, Kathryn had her elbow jutted out, making it almost impossible to push.  Because of these things, Allison made the call to transfer me to UNC.  I was given IV fluids and an epidural to restore my energy and strength.  I rested 3-4 hours and woke to have my water broken.  At that time we discovered meconium (baby's first poop) in the fluid, so the NICU team was put on standby.  I pushed about 30 minutes and Kathryn came out beautiful and perfect.  She was breathing, but it was taking her a lot of effort.  Her apgar scores were 8 and 9 anyway.  The NICU team wheeled her over to let me see her and touch her, and then wheeled her off.  We weren't sure at that time what was wrong, although there didn't seem to be too much hurrying or concern.

I received a few stitches and rested for a couple more hours before being moved to a maternity room.  Then we were told that Kathryn both swallowed and breathed in some of her meconium.  It is a very thick substance, and when she breathed it into her lungs and then continued to try to breathe, the pressure built up in the lung and burst two holes in her lung.  These, we were told, would heal on their own over a few days.  However, it made congenital pneumonia, or other infections, possible.  She would have to have her blood studied for infection and undergo a week-long treatment of antibiotics.

That week is almost over.  Tomorrow is Monday again and we are very much looking forward to taking Kathryn home, although we are also a little nervous to be all on our own.  This week has been tumultuous.  We had no plan at all to be away from home more than one night, much less seven nights and eight days.  We didn't have a plan for anyone to bring in the mail/paper, water the garden, watch the house, take care of the dog, etc.  We didn't know where we would stay or how we would afford so many meals and parking fees.  

God has sustained us through this time.  He has provided ways for us to find free meals or people to bring food to us.  He provided a place to stay, away from the hospital (for short breathers away from all the hospital-ness, and a place for Jared to sleep)(that had a free shuttle to and from the hospital);  plus a place to stay within the hospital (for me as I needed to be available in order to breastfeed Kathryn).  We've received many Facebook messages, texts, calls, and some visits to sustain our spirits.  Even though this is very far from what our original plan was, we know it was God's plan and He will continue to provide for us as we are now waiting on receiving the bill for all this care.

I believe I had as natural a birth as possible without endangering my baby or myself, and I am proud of and content with that.  God knew that Kathryn would need extra care as soon as she came out, so He guided our experience to put us in one of America's very best children's hospitals.  To labor that far without medical interventions was no small feat, and I couldn't have done it without Jared's help and support.  He was so strong, positive and encouraging.  I really felt that he had the situation under his control and that he was determined to see me through until the end.  I am so thankful for him.

We are a little nervous to be all on our own, starting tomorrow, but excited to start a "normal" parents-of-a-newborn life.  We love little Kathryn and look forward to watching her grow in all sorts of ways.

Day One

                                                                            Day Seven

Happy Family

Friday Appointments

Today, Jared and I first went to UNC for an ultrasound.  It showed that my amniotic fluid is low, and the doctor who supervised informed me that, if I were her patient, she would induce me.  We shrugged it off and went to the Birth Center for our non stress test.  When the midwives read on our UNC report, which doctor had seen us, they rolled their eyes.  The midwives told us they have spoken to her supervisor many times, because she is an alarmist who has scared the Birth Center patients on numerous occasions.  The midwives told me that they are not concerned with my fluid levels at all--they are fine.

The non stress test went very well.  It showed that Kathryn has great reserves of strength and energy for getting through labor, and we should have nothing to worry about.

We were sent home and have spent the afternoon getting rest and taking short walks.  No other news to report right now!

Starting week 42!

Kathryn, you are 41 weeks developed, today!  The world around us is getting antsier and more anxious, but you, me and Jared are keeping the zen.  After all, you can't rush perfection.  We love you very much.

Here's a 41 week picture from today.  Kathryn has dropped, she is in a good position, and she continues to move a bit every day.  Jared checks for her heartbeat and movement on a daily basis.  I have been having prodromal ("fake") labor for about two and a half days--the contractions hurt, but are not overwhelming--more annoying.  They are not properly time-able--some will be 5 minutes apart, others will be 30 minutes apart, or even hours later.

The "When to Expect" website that I mentioned a few posts ago now says I have a 65% chance of delivering this week.  I really thought it would be higher than that!  They say their best guess on Kathryn's weight would be 7lbs and 13oz.  I feel like she is probably a little heavier than that.  

The last time I was at the birth center (when I was 39 weeks and 4 days), I was scheduled for a biophysical profile that's to take place tomorrow morning.  Basically, it's an ultrasound and a non-stress test, just to make sure that it's okay for us to keep waiting.  If you pray, you can pray that both of these go well and that we will not face pressure for an induction.  Jared and I want to have a natural and non-medicated birth, as long as Kathryn and I can remain safe and healthy.      

40 weeks and Chugging Along!

Kathryn, all the websites or books that I've used to update your growth, top out at 40 weeks.  Frustrating, seeing as the average first time pregnancy, when left to develop naturally, will last an average of 41 weeks and 1 day.  Anyway, today is your due date and you are comfortable where you are.  I still feel you moving around (mostly trying to stretch out your feet) and the midwife at our appointment Monday said you were in prime position for delivery--finally, straight up and down.  Your heartbeat was good at 140, and you are measuring just fine.  We love you very much.

My blood pressure is good and I've gained 30 pounds now--more than what I hoped, but only by 5 pounds.  I will not have another regular appointment with the Birth Center.  If I remain pregnant, the next time I'll go will be next Friday, for an ultrasound at UNC and then a non-stress test at the Birth Center, to make sure that it is okay to keep waiting.

Since I don't have much news to share, here's an awesome (and foul-mouthed, just a warning) blogger and her great tips for being a new dad.  I've also included her suggested comebacks for folks who ask, "Have you had that baby yet?/When are you having the baby?"

http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2010/6/7/new-dad-survival-guide-8-essential-tips.html

Comebacks for the question, "Have you had that baby yet?"

1) I'm trying to hold it in so I can finish this novel I'm reading.
2) Oh, I had it, I just left it in the car today.
3) Jerkthatstatestheobvioussayswhat?
4) Don't worry, you'll know when your husband starts paying child support.
5) I had it yesterday but I'm trying to shoplift this basketball so could you leave me alone?
6) Sure I did, I just love maternity clothes so much that I duct-taped a bowling ball onto my belly and carry on like usual.

And lastly, the top 5 things I've learned from pregnancy and the top 5 things I've appreciated/enjoyed about pregnancy.  Just for some levity and because I'm probably going to be too tired to remember much about it once Kathryn does arrive.

Top Five Things I've Learned:
(1) Give your husband just a tad more grace than you usually do.  Your hormones are making you into even more of a stereotypical crazy woman than normal.  He honestly does NOT get it, even though he's trying.  Try to be patient.
(2) Accept that there are still insanely inappropriate people out there who will say all kinds of things that should never be said to pregnant women.  But don't feel you have to let them get away with it.
(3) Everyone has advice.  Be open, listen to it, nod your head.  But don't feel like you have to do what they say, no matter who it is.  This is YOUR pregnancy and YOUR baby.  YOU know what's right for you and yours.
(4) Start early in your preparation for baby--including everything from building a registry, to figuring out what you want your nursery to look like, to exercising and eating right, etc.  You will not have the energy or patience or time to do all of this in the last trimester.
(5) Babies cost a lot even before they arrive.  While Jared and I have held to our original ban on frilly-butt clothes and have kept only a limited amount of pink "stuff", we have accepted any and all offerings from people.  If we decide we can't use part of it, we use it to bless someone else who's expecting.

Top Five Things I've Appreciated/Enjoyed:
(1) For once in my life, it's okay to have a belly!
(2) The majority of this pregnancy has been easy--moderate morning sickness (but only at home, I never got sick at work or elsewhere), no complications, manageable aches and pains.
(3) Several people in my life have given me the back-handed compliment that I have "childbearing hips/hips meant for making babies."  I actually do--my thickly built frame has done me many favors during pregnancy.
(4) I have gotten to know Jared in surprising new ways in the last ten months, and love him more and more.  He is such a great daddy already.
(5) We have been so blessed by friends and family who have given us bags of gently used items, thrown us baby showers, gifted us at baby showers, and shared in our happiness.  Thank you.

39 full weeks and starting week 40

Kathryn, you will definitely be here sometime in the next three weeks!  This week, more lanugo (downy hair) is falling out, and you may still be shedding vernix (white, greasy substance).  You are most likely done with putting on pounds and inches.  The average newborn weighs 7.5 to 8.3 pounds and is 20-21 inches long.  Your lungs, brain, bones and reflexes are all developed--around this point, it is up to your little body and my body to agree on when you come out!

I still feel movement every day, even if it's just a little bit.  Mostly, Kathryn is pushing her feet up the top of my belly, or she has hiccups.  At our weekly visit on Monday, I got another good report on my blood pressure, my weight (I LOST half a pound), my belly measurement and Kathryn's heartbeat.  I still enjoy pregnancy and don't feel the need to complain about it.  After miscarrying Angel, I feel blessed to be able to carry this child.  And, I know women who would give the world to have the most miserable pregnancy, if it meant being able to grow and then raise a child of their own.

There is a fun website called "When To Expect" that uses birth data and statistics to make guesses about your birth.  Their calculations are based on the 2009 and 2010 public birth certificate data from the CDC's Division of Vital Statistics.  There were something like 8 million US babies born in those years, and the website extracts the average data for matching pregnancies, based on your answers to a few questions.  Keeping in mind that way too many of those pregnancies were probably scheduled inductions or c-sections, the website says I have a 48% chance of delivering this week (6/20-6/26), and a 32% chance of delivering the week after (6/27-7/3).  It also guesses Kathryn's weight at 7 pounds, 11 ounces.

Anything left on our "to-do" list could be done before or after the birth, so we're pretty much good to go now.  We're good to wait, too.  :)

Week 39 is Starting

Hello, Kathryn!  You keep building up a layer of fat this week to help regulate your temperature once you're out, but there's no real telling anymore how much you weigh or how long you are.  Most books would say you're about the average this week, at 19-21 inches long and seven or eight pounds.  Boys tend to be a little heavier than girls at birth.  Your head has dropped a little bit into my pelvis--not enough to really hurt or affect my walk, but it's a sign that you're getting yourself ready.  You still move every day, but the peak of your movement was several weeks ago, when you had more room.  Your brain continues to grow and your pink skin is turning more white.  We love you very much.

Several people now have asked me if the midwives have changed my due date.  I figure I will take advantage of my little soapbox here to inform folks that one's due date is usually only changed within the first trimester (three months).  In fact, my midwives originally thought my due date was June 18th, based on when I *should* have ovulated, which was based on my last menstrual cycle.  However, once I had my first ultrasound, the technician was able to measure Kathryn and, with a higher degree of certainty, say that Kathryn was not big enough to be due on June 18th, and that, more likely, she was a week behind and would come around June 27th.  So, no, my due date will not be changing any.  (And if you've read some of my other posts, you know the due date is fairly meaningless, anyway!)  Speaking of, here's a link to a great article that one of my friends shared with me today.  http://voices.yahoo.com/the-lie-edd-why-due-date-isnt-you-1958162.html?cat=25   

I'm feeling uncomfortable, but not miserable.  I ask Jared to do a lot of things that require bending down or lifting, and he's great about helping.  I take some Tylenol each night to relieve my pelvic pain and help me sleep.  I go to the Birth Center on Mondays for check-ups and to the chiropractor once or twice a week to help with keeping my pelvis aligned and my ligaments nice and loose.  I do keep busy, and still have a couple of things I'd like to get done before Kathryn arrives.  This week I have made chili and sausage balls to keep for meals, received the last few things from our registry that we wanted to have before Kathryn comes, washed baby clothes and put away items in the nursery, bought nursing bras, had the car seat bases inspected, had my hair cut and nails done, and stocked up on paper and toiletry products so we don't have to worry about running out in the next few weeks.  I still feel like this pregnancy has flown by and feel very grateful that I've had no complications, drama or terribly unpleasant symptoms.  God is good to us and I try to be mindful to give thanks each day.

Week 38 starts today

Kathryn, we start week 38 today!  It really has gone fast.  You'll grow to about 6.8 or 7 pounds this week.  The average newborn weighs 7.5 pounds (that number is skewed because of inductions and C-sections that happen before the baby is ready or even "due"), and is about 20 inches long.  You've got a firm grasp and organs that are now mature enough for outside living.  Most of the hair (lanugo) and greasy covering (vernix) is disappearing.  You're plumping up your fat cells and taking in more antibodies to grow your immune system.  You're squirming and pushing, but not kicking anymore.  If your eyes are brown when you're born, they'll most likely stay brown.  If they are grey or blue, they may stay blue, or they may turn hazel or green.

We have anywhere from a day to five weeks left.  Jared and I aren't anxious--we know Kathryn will come when she's ready, and we don't want to hurry her.  She is still "floating"--her head hasn't actually rested into my pelvis.  So, that right there tells me it'll probably at least be 3 more weeks.  I still have acid reflux and some leg cramping, and swelling in my legs and feet.  Jared says my stretch marks remind him of a red watermelon--so charming.  :)  It is difficult to sleep, and painful both to lie still and to turn over.  Sometimes I take Tylenol before bed, to try and help it.

Jared and I took this morning to have our "new parent" pictures taken at the Preston Woodall House in Benson, where we were married almost five years ago.  It was fun, and we're glad the rain held off!  I'll have weekly appointments at the Birth Center on Mondays, until Kathryn decides to arrive.    

36 full weeks...full term!

Kathryn, this week you are "full term", but you still have growing to do.  You are 6.3 to 6.5 pounds this week, and have most likely finished your growing lengthwise.  Your lungs are mature enough, or almost enough, to function on their own outside of me.  You continue to practice blinking, sucking, breathing and turning from side to side.  Your head is down, and I can feel your hiccups in my left hip--that's still where your back is.  So, I get a lot of kicks/pushing against my right side.  We love you very much.

I'm having a lot of Braxton Hicks, which are annoying but not painful.  And getting comfortable is tricky.  Good sleep is hard to come by, too.  But, I don't have bad swelling, trouble breathing, high blood pressure, or any other clinical issues that would make me high-risk.  And I've gained 27 pounds.  A healthy weight gain for a whole pregnancy is 25-35 pounds, so I'm good with that.  I feel blessed that this pregnancy has been such a "non-event", after losing Angel.  I'm a mother to two, now--one in my womb, one in my heart. 

Jared and I aren't accepting pelvic checks for effacement or dilation--all it tells us is that we're making progress, which we know is happening anyway.  Some women stay dilated at 3 centimeters for three weeks.  Others are completely closed one day and fully dilated the next.  We'd rather not have the possibility of bacteria/infection, or for someone to strip my membranes without my consent or knowledge.  We know Kathryn will come when she's ready, and she'll let us know when that is!   

Appointment and Fun Facts

Good news at our appointment today!  Kathryn's head is in the right place now.  Her back is now laying in my left hip, instead of her head.  Maybe she's just sliding down there a little at a time?  There was finally someone available to do the ultrasound and confirm it, so I feel much more at ease now.

My iron level was good, Kathryn's heart rate was good, and I should hear back about some blood work and the GBS test by the end of the week.  I have gained 27 lbs here at week 36--average weight gain is 25-30 pounds right now, so I have finally caught up with everyone.  It was nice while it lasted!

Some fun facts:
If Kathryn's born in June, her birthstone will be the pearl and birth flowers are the rose and honeysuckle.
If she's born in July, her birthstone will be the ruby and birth flowers are the larkspur and water lily.
Regardless of month, she will most likely be a Cancer in the zodiac, and her Chinese zodiac animal is the Black Water Snake.
She'll be old enough to drive a car in 2029, finish high school in 2031, and graduate college in 2035.

On her due date, in history:
Helen Keller was born in 1880
Bell Laboratories announced the successful transmission of television signals in 1929
Moscow opened the world's first atomic power station in 1954
The first seat belt legislation was passed in Illinois in 1955

Starting Week Thirty-Six

We are 35 full weeks, one more week until Kathryn is considered full-term.  We are starting month nine...Jared and I are very ready, and yet don't feel ready.  There are still some items to buy, food to prepare, and Jared has some reading to do.  Kathryn, this week you may be about 6 pounds and 20-20.5 inches long.  Most of your systems are well-equipped for life now.  Your brain is developing a lot this week and you practice your blinking.  You're shedding your downy coat of hair and the waxy vernix that has covered you.  We love you very much.

This week, you may drop lower into my pelvis, preparing for birth.  I can only hope that you're head down, now.  I've been to the chiropractor twice and have been doing exercises to encourage you to get in the right position, but won't know if you've complied until our ultrasound next Tuesday.

I have a constant achiness and pressure in my pelvis, and it is very difficult to get truly comfortable.  I am fatigued really easily, and that still kind of bothers me--I feel like I should be able to accomplish more each day.  Kathryn squirms and turns, but there are very few kicks or jabs these days.  Braxton Hicks contractions are pretty frequent, but easy to ignore.  That's really about it--no drama or big complaints here! I'll try and update again on Tuesday regarding our next appointment.

Starting week 35!

This is the last week of Month Eight....time has gone so slowly lately!  Kathryn, at the end of this week you will probably be 19-20 inches long and 5.5 pounds--about the weight of a honeydew melon.  You may have topped out on your height by now, but you'll continue to gain about a half a pound every week from now on.  Your brain and lungs continue to develop at a quick pace.  We love you very much.

We had an appointment today and I was so disappointed to find out that the baby is in an oblique breech position.  This is when the baby's head is pointing toward mom's hip, instead of down toward the cervix: 

I was advised to sit on our birthing ball (an exercise ball) as much as possible from here on out, to get her to turn.  One of my biggest fears at this point is that Kathryn remains breech and I'm forced to get a C-section.  My uterus is measuring fine and I've gained 22 pounds--the average women have gained 24-29 by now. 

We did run up against some opposition to our birth plan today.  In it, we share that we don't want to receive Pitocin to help deliver the placenta after the birth.  The midwife I saw today is the one our Bradley Method birth instructor called out specifically as a strong advocate to this "active management of the third stage of labor".  She read that part of our birth plan, and immediately wanted to argue with us about it, saying she hoped that we would abandon that idea and trust her and her experience of being at 3,000 births thus far.  There was a little fear-mongering, too--I was surprised but very glad that our birth instructor had already taught us about this and warned us about this exact situation!

As for me: I tire easily, and I have a lot of achiness and painful pressure in my pelvis.  Sometimes when I get up, it feels like my pelvic bones will break.  I still have occasional acid reflux, and I don't sleep well.  Honestly, not very much to complain about, considering all the symptoms considered normal!

Jared's co-workers threw us a shower this past week--I'm glad that Jared is thought of so highly that they wanted to do that for us!  It was very special.  We have another shower--our fourth and last--this coming Sunday with our church's connect group and other church friends.  Looking forward to spending time with everyone together!    

Week 34 starts today!

Kathryn, we start week 34 today!  It'll most likely be another 6-8 weeks before you arrive, which is fine.  At the end of this week, you'll be 4.75 to 5 pounds (an average cantaloupe), and 18-20 inches long.  All your organs are almost mature, except your lungs, and your skin (now pink instead of red) keeps smoothing out.  You are hopefully settling head down, which we'll check on next week at our appointment.  We love you very much.

I still feel very blessed with how this pregnancy is going.  Maybe it's easier because I have a longer torso, maybe it's because I've always been a "solidly built" woman, or maybe I just have a different perspective since losing my first child to miscarriage.  But for the most part, I feel fine.  "Typical" symptoms" at this point should include nasal stuffiness, constipation, hemorrhoids, backaches, hair growth in the wrong places (chin, neck, back), shortness of breath and breast leaks.  I'm not experiencing any of those! 

What I do have is trouble sleeping (I wake up to turn over occasionally), mild swelling, stretch marks, and some leg cramping.  Not a big deal, really. 

Our couples' shower last weekend was so nice.  Many friends came, the food was delicious, the cake was beautiful, the decorations were lovely.  The weather was....ok.  At least it wasn't colder or raining!  We have about 30% of our registry fulfilled at this time, and we still have two showers!  I found out yesterday that Jared's company plans on throwing us a little shower next week--we feel so loved!  This will make four showers....amazing. 

Next birth center appointment is next Thursday!  We'll have an ultrasound to check on Kathryn's position, size, and to double-check that she is a girl. 

32 Full Weeks, Starting Week 33

Kathryn, this is the start of a few "growing" weeks for you.  This week you will grow to weigh a little more than 4 pounds (a good sized pineapple) and might top out at 19 inches for length.  You are almost finished growing length-wise--then you will really start to fill out width-wise!  The amniotic fluid has maxed out, meaning there is more of you than there is of fluid.  On one hand, that'll mean your kicks are more sharp (less cushioning), but you may do less of them because there is less room for you.  Also this week, I am passing along a lot of antibodies as you build up your own immune system.  At this point, you can only protect yourself from the mildest bacteria and germs.  We love you very much.

I have gained 21 pounds as of a week ago (it's probably 22 by now).  That's good--the average is 22-28 by now.  More good news: I am still sashaying as opposed to waddling.  I'm not having to deal with headaches, hemorrhoids, protruding navel, shortness of breath, or "leakiness" from my breasts.  My blood pressure still looks great and I don't have gestational diabetes or dangerous swelling.

However....my acid reflux continues to try and kill me.  My ears can sometimes feel blocked and I have increasing trouble with sleeping.  I have a smattering of stretch marks, spider veins and varicose veins, and a lot of achiness and pelvic pressure.  I'm wearing my new support band and applying the vitamins (see last week's post) most of the time, and it does seem to help a little.

I never imagined that I could stay so busy without having a job to go to!  It's crazy how much there is to be done in the house, in the yard, or with running errands or scheduling appointments for various things.  I manage to stay busy all day, every day.  Kathryn's second wall decal FINALLY arrived yesterday (after five weeks of waiting and opening a case on Etsy against the shop owner), so maybe we can get back to decorating and arranging the room.

Our next shower is Saturday, hosted by our moms, and then we'll have one last shower two weeks after that, hosted by our church connect group.  Next birth center appointment is in two weeks exactly!

Start of Week 32 and Month Eight

This week, Kathryn will grow to weigh 3.75 to 4 pounds and be 18 to 18.9 inches long.  She'll gain a third to half of her birth weight during the next 7 weeks!  She now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair.  Her skin is becoming soft and smooth as she plumps up in preparation for birth, and is no longer transparent in any way.  She fills almost all the space in my uterus now, but may still have enough room to do somersaults.  Kathryn is practicing opening her eyes, swallowing, breathing, kicking and sucking.  We love her very much.

  

                 

                                                       A 32-week-old baby in the womb

I had my latest appointment today at the Birth Center, and everything's still looking good.  Her heartbeat is about 150, which is a little high, but anything below 160 is still considered normal.  I was told my weight gain and blood pressure look fine.  I brought up some concerns--I had some bruising on my upper left thigh that wouldn't go away, a big lump on the left side of my groin, and low, pelvic pressure.  It was determined that they're all related: the bruising is actually spider veins, the lump is a clump of varicose veins way under my skin, and the pressure is, well, pressure.  They tell me I have "vulvar varicosity", basically, that my left side is enduring a lot of pressure from the baby and uterus, and it's breaking down a little bit on that side.  So now, I get to wear a special support band and apply vitamin E and C oils to my skin daily.  

My blood volume has increased 40 to 50 percent since I got pregnant.  My acid reflux is back, and I occasionally get Braxton Hicks contractions, although they have been nearly absent the last two weeks.  Kathryn moves a lot--it seems she does more jumping or shuddering than kicking or punching.  I have pelvic pressure and achiness, mild swelling, a little bit of varicose veins/spider veins/stretch marks, and a little bit of difficulty sleeping.  All in all, I really don't feel I have much to complain about.  I still really enjoy pregnancy and feel blessed that things have gone so well, and that Kathryn is healthy and growing.  I try to remember to thank God for these things every day.    

Jared will be adding me to his insurance next week, and they have agreed to include the Birth Center in their network!  This is a big answer to prayer and saves us about $2400 of prenatal/maternity/newborn costs.  It is a week and 2 days until our next baby shower, and three weeks until the next appointment, where they will do an ultrasound to make sure that Kathryn is head-down.  Time seems to be passing slowly, but I try to keep on top of things to make sure that the last few weeks don't sneak up on us!

Into the last 10 weeks

Kathryn, it feels like there's such a short time until you're here, and yet it seems so long.  It still could be three months/12 weeks before you're here, but it's 10 weeks until your due date and we are now starting the eighth month of pregnancy. 

By the end of this week you'll be 16-18 inches long.  You'll weigh about 3.3 pounds (about four naval oranges) and you're heading into a growth spurt.  You can turn your head side to side and fat is accumulating on your limbs.  You've been making trillions of brain connections and can now process information, track light, and perceive signals from all five senses.  We love you very much.

You've been moving a lot, but I still feel like you are head up.  I would feel better if you were head down, but I know there's still four weeks before I need to start thinking of doing exercises to make you turn.  Not only do you kick, punch and roll, but sometimes you seem to shudder. 

I had a lot of pain in my abdomen, almost like cramping, on Tuesday and again today.  It got my attention, but I feel it's probably tummy trouble and not something more serious.  I'm also going to the bathroom more, have a couple areas of varicose veins, have occasional headaches and I'm fairly fatigued, even doing easy things.  I'm having a little trouble sleeping, mostly due to sleeping on my sides--it hurts to keep sleeping on one side, and it takes so much effort to turn over that it wakes me up.    

I've been very productive at home this week, after finishing out my time as a teaching assistant at Lockhart last Friday.  I heard today that the new assistant--the woman who was supposed to take my place--isn't being hired at all.  I feel bad for the new teacher that I left behind because I know that class is incredibly hard with two adults in the room--much harder with just one!  But, I'm in a much better place now.  The only hard part left is changing insurance providers--such a pain. 

Our next appointment is in one week and our couples' shower is in a little more than two weeks! 

Starting the 30th Week

Kathryn, you are probably 10-12 weeks away from your birth date!  The last three weeks, especially have seemed pretty fast.  You're 16-17 inches long, and weigh about three pounds.  You'll pack on weight for the next month and a half--about half a pound a week.  The amount of amniotic fluid around you is starting to decrease, and your head and body are now proportioned like a newborn's.  Your eyesight is developing, but your vision at birth will be about 20/400--you'll only be able to make out objects a few inches from your face.  And you will start shedding your lanugo (downy body hair), since you can regulate your own body temperature now.  We love you very much.

I have one day left at my teaching assistant job--mostly sweet, but slightly sad.  There are about twelve ladies that I love working with and will miss very much.  Other than that....I'm good to go!  I have a meeting on Monday morning with a temp agency that I hope will give me a few good assignments before Kathryn arrives. 

I am feeling pretty good--I have a couple of stretch marks (no biggie), a couple varicose veins (they don't hurt and they're small and way up on my thighs), and my ankles and feet get a little swollen during the day.  I am also tired--I sleep fine, I just don't get enough sleep.  And I'm a little irritable, but I think that's mostly due to my work situation and it'll get better very soon. 

 Yesterday, Jared and I fell out of our hammock (it wasn't a weight problem), and I have an angry bruise on my backside.  I wasn't concerned, but then Kathryn didn't move all day today, which is abnormal for her.  I called the Birth Center, and they wanted me to come in today, even if it was after hours.  They hooked me up to a monitor and measured her heartbeat, kicks, and any contractions for 20 minutes.  We both got a stellar report at the end--I wasn't actually worried that something was wrong, but I guess it's nice to have a definite "yes, everything's just fine".  I'm glad that God is taking care of all of us. 

I think our next appointment is still two weeks away.  Our big shower that our mothers are hosting is in a little more than three weeks!  There is still a lot to do, but I believe I'll actually have time and energy for it, starting next week. 

Twenty-Ninth Week

You keep growing and changing, Kathryn!  We want you to stay inside, but if born in the next two weeks, you have a 90-95% chance of survival.  This week you will grow to 2.5-3 pounds, and could be 15-17 inches long.  You are getting close to your birth length, but still need to chub up.  Your muscles, lungs and brain are working hard this week to develop.  Your eyes now have color--most babies' eyes are blue when they're born, but can change over the first six months.  You can distinguish bright light coming through my belly.  Your space is getting a little cramped, but you'll most likely keep up the kicking and stretching.  We love you very much.

When I write my next post, I'll only have one more day left of being a teaching assistant.  It's starting to feel real--the school has chosen my replacement and I received an "exit questionnaire" from Wake County today.    The students and parents still don't know--I intend to send a note home on Monday.

My acid reflux is back, but not as bad as it had been.  And I have stretch marks and the occasional Braxton Hicks contraction.  But, I feel blessed to be having what I consider a great time in pregnancy.  I don't have varicose veins, an itchy belly, back pain, trouble sleeping, stuffy nose, a popped belly button, hemorrhoids, or headaches.  Maybe those will all come next week, who knows.  But I feel confident and content in my body--I feel strong.

This weekend is busy!  We have birth class, a picnic with our church connect group, a baby shower, and a dinner celebration for my parents' 30th wedding anniversary.  And then Monday is our next appointment at the birth center.

Hello Third Trimester

We start week 28 today, Kathryn!  This is the beginning of the third trimester.  You might be settling with your head down, but of course, I can't tell.  You are about 2.5 pounds and are 15-16 inches long!  You will start blinking this week--an important skill, just like the ones you already know--coughing, sucking, taking practice breaths and hiccuping.  When you sleep, you now have a REM phase, which means you could be dreaming.  Your lungs are nearing full maturity, but still have a little ways to go.  You are also developing billions of neurons in your brain and adding more body fat.  We love you very much. 

I am excited to be this far along, but keeping an eye on the calender and trying to keep ahead of feeling "rushed".  Your nursery is coming along nicely, and you have NO NEED for clothes until about Christmas--friends have been very generous (and sales have been very good).  

a "nightlight" of sorts--lit cherry blossom

crib, changing table, and toy/supply cube.  Those bamboo shoots (and cherry blossom stems) will go on the walls once we receive the decals we ordered.

window flower planter that I painted pink to hold books on the wall

chest for clothes, diapers, etc...book holders, rocking chair

  
The average woman gains 11 pounds this trimester.  If I gained that much, I would be around 25 pounds heavier.  That sounds like a pretty good number to me, but I will try to keep it between 20 and 25.  I'll be visiting the birth center again in less than two weeks--they are wanting to see me more often now that I am closing in on the last few months.  

I DID offer my resignation from work this week, effective after three weeks (now two).  Everyone but the principal has been very understanding, and I feel a huge relief from the decision.  I'll switch over to Jared's insurance, and will join a temp agency for as long as I'm able to work.  

Kathryn is moving and kicking throughout the day, with patterns in the morning and late afternoon and late night.  I do have some achiness and shortness of breath, scattered Braxton Hicks contractions, and my acid reflux is trying to come back.  But other than those small things, I think pregnancy really suits me.  I enjoy the way I look and I feel confident again in my body, and the fact that it was made to do this job.  Pregnancy just feels "natural" to me.

Two more weeks of work, a little less than two weeks until our next appointment, and 90 days until our due date--but Jared's guessing July 2nd and I would be amused if she held out for July 4th instead.  :)

The Name Game Reveal

Peanut has had a name since last May, when I was pregnant with her brother or sister who's now in Heaven.  We saved the names we had decided on to use on future children, and named our first one Angel instead.  We are proud and excited to announce that our little one will be called.....

Kathryn means purity.  Sophia means wisdom.  We did not name her after anyone--we simply liked and agreed on these names, so that's what she'll be!  We plan on calling her "Kathryn" as opposed to "Kate", "Katy", "Kat", or any other variation.

               We used personalized M&Ms to share her name with our families this weekend.

Kathryn is about 96 days--around three months--from her due date today.  But don't get too comfortable with that date since 80% of first time moms go a week past their due date!  :)  We love you and look forward to meeting you, Kathryn Sophia!

Starting Week 27!

Peanut, this is the last week of the second trimester!  You weigh around two pounds and you are 14.5 or 15 inches long from head to heel.  You recognize my voice and sleep and wake at regular intervals.  Brain tissue is developing very actively.  Your lungs are immature but would be capable of functioning if you were born now.  You can now cry, and you probably are sucking your thumb, which calms you and strengthens your cheek and jaw muscles.  We love you very much.

Most women have gained 16 to 22 pounds by now--I have gained 12-13.  I'm proud of myself!  The acid reflux has been giving me a break for a couple of days, and I'm thankful.  However, I am dealing with a lot of soreness, occasional foot cramps, and exhaustion.  I still sleep okay, I can still get around fine, I don't have any swelling or discoloration, and my innie is still an innie.  

I am just about ready to quit my job.  It is a toxic environment where I get no support.  Every few days, someone "above" me wants me to add another thing to my list of duties.  I can't get it all done or even remember it all during the day, so then it doesn't get done, and people get mad at me.  Whenever I might try to complain about how heavy the load is, how incompetent/clueless/unhelpful the new administration is, how challenging my class is, etc, I get a reprimand to "be more positive".  

The main reason I still go to work is guilt.  I would feel incredibly guilty leaving the other TAs with an added load.  I would feel guilty about jumping ship just as a new teacher was coming aboard.  I would feel guilty about leaving parents/students in the lurch as everything they knew about their first year in school changed.  I would feel guilty that the school just threw me a baby shower, and I thank them by saying, "see ya".  

But is that guilt warranted?  Or is it a throw-back to my years of poor self-esteem?  Is it worth it to not have the guilt, and instead have the stress, unhappiness, demoralization, despair even?  Is it worth it, knowing that continuous stress causes premature birth and low birth weight?  As a side note, yes, there is the matter of no more second paycheck and having to start paying for healthcare about three months early...but we were expecting that anyway, and what I'm paid is a disgustingly low amount anyway.  

We had a regular appointment this week and everything looked great.  Peanut's heart rate was good, growth was good, and I took my gestational diabetes test and haven't heard anything yet, which is good news.  

Life goes on, but change may be on the horizon. 

26th Week starts today!

So much happens this week!  Your hearing is fully developed, Peanut.  The nerves in your ears are sensitive and can hear when Jared and I talk.  When you react to sound, your pulse increases, and you can even move in rhythm to music.  Your lungs are growing and developing, but are not yet mature.  You inhale and exhale the amniotic fluid to practice breathing.  Patterns of your brain waves would look like a full-term newborn's at this point, and you have patterns of sleeping and waking, which I can chart based on when you're active and when you're still.  You weigh somewhere between a pound and two thirds and two pounds, and you measure 14 inches from head to heel.  Your eyes start to open this week, too--not much to see, but you will be able to perceive when I'm in a place that's lighter or darker.  We love you very much.  

As for me....acid is still a big problem.  I am waiting on a call back from my doctor to see what they recommend.  The birth center is hesitant--well, almost adamant about not recommending medication for issues.  They want me to have root beer and peanut butter after every meal to fix the acid, and that's just not going to cut it!

My lower pelvic joints are hurting, and my muscles ache through the day.  I feel tired and I am out of breath, doing what used to come easily.  I feel you moving on and off through the day, even when I am fully immersed and active in my job.  I am thankful that I'm still sleeping fairly well, and that Peanut's not kicking me in the ribs yet.

Work is terrible--if I wasn't pregnant, I would've been looking for a new job in January.  After tomorrow, there are eleven more weeks of school (not including three weeks of track out).  I've never started my count down so early!

Before week 27 starts, I'll have gone to another birth center appointment, done my glucose test, and turned 29 years old.  Busy week for me, just like Peanut! 

Ultrasound

We had our ultrasound today to check on the area of blood that was seen at the anatomy scan six weeks ago.  The tech said he could still spot it, but it was as good as gone.  This is good news--nothing to worry about at the moment.  Peanut was in a breech position, but she has plenty of time to turn.  Her heartbeat was 143, which is good and solid without being high.  She measured 1 pound and 11 ounces, give or take 4 ounces.  This would put her currently in the 54th percentile for length and weight.  No causes for concern and no further ultrasounds, unless a need arises.  We are grateful for a good report! 

Six Months, into week 25!

Peanut, you're 24 weeks, or six months, and a day.  You've reached what's called an "age of viability", meaning if you were born now, you'd have a 50-70% chance of surviving, although you would also have a 50-60% chance of a severe disability.  We want for you to stay in for as long as you can!  Head to heels, you measure about 13 1/2 inches.  If we were still measuring crown to rump, you might be about nine inches long.  You weigh about a pound and a half and are putting on baby fat, so your skin will begin to smooth and fill out.  The skin's also becoming opaque.  We could now discern your hair color and texture if we saw it.  Your nostrils are unplugging and your vocal cords are functioning, which means possible hiccups.  By the end of this week, your finger and toe prints are visible and your eyelids begin to part and the eyes open.  We love you very much.

Jared saw you moving tonight and it was very exciting for him--he loved it.  I haven't actually taken the time to watch my belly, so I haven't seen your movements, but I do feel them on and off through the day.  Occasionally it hurts a little.  Otherwise, the acid reflux is still very bothersome.  I started Prilosec for it, which doesn't work completely but works much better than Pepcid, Zantac, etc.  I am far from graceful and have lost a lot of self-awareness when it comes to hitching up my maternity jeans, etc. 

I wanted a calm and joyful type of pregnancy, but work is more or less a hellhole, currently.  Between defiant, non-compliant, and/or disrespectful students....a non-supportive--even malicious--administration....and constant additions to all my regular duties, I dread going to work, deal with blood pressure spikes and feelings of anger/hopelessness while I'm there, and feel discouraged and crabby, or weepy, when I am home.  I have no reason to think things will change in the near future.  

It's another three weeks until the third trimester starts.  I'll have an ultrasound in three days and a birth center appointment in about 11 days.  We'll share Peanut's name sometime in the next month! 

Start of Week Twenty Four

Peanut, you're 23 full weeks and starting week 24!  At the end of the week, you'll be 6 months along, but we won't be in the third trimester until the end of week 26.  This week, you'll grow to somewhere between 1.2 and 1.5 pounds.  And you're growing to somewhere between 9 and 11 inches long, about like an ear of corn.    Your brain is growing quickly and your lungs are developing branches of the respiratory "tree".  You're making white blood cells and you can hear various loud sounds.  You've got eyelashes, eyebrows and hair, but there's no pigment yet, so the hair is all white.  We love you very much.

You're moving around daily, sort of mid-morning, early evening and at bedtime.  Jared was able to feel you move this week, and it was very exciting for him.  I wonder if he could hear you at all, if he listened to my belly.  I read to you sometimes and try to talk out loud as I go around the house.  This is my last week of track-out, so, starting March 4, I'll be back at work, and I'm really not looking forward to it.

The acid reflux is really bothering me--I think I'll have to buy a half gallon of milk to keep at work.  No pill has helped me so far.  I'm also tired a lot and achy in my pelvis.

The Monday after next is our next ultrasound, to check on the retroplacental bleed that was seen 5 weeks ago.  And it's 3 weeks until my next birth center appointment, my first shower (hosted by the school's Social Committee), and my birthday!

 24 weeks in the womb

24 week baby--note the non-pigmented eyebrows

22 full weeks

Peanut, today starts week 23 and month six!  Your skin is fairly saggy, since it grows faster than the fat underneath.  But your fat deposits should start catching up, starting this week.  By the end of this month, you should be filled out pretty nicely.  And your skin is still translucent, which will start to change this month, too.  You're anywhere from 8.5-11.5 inches long and a little over 1 pound.  You can feel varying types of movement and loud noises that become familiar to you now probably won't faze you when you hear them outside the womb.  We love you very much. 

I was diagnosed by my family practitioner this week with bronchitis and a sinus infection.  It had been just one month since I went in for a sinus infection, and just five weeks before that I had another.  I was given a double dose of antibiotics and I pray that this will finally get me better.  I did have morning sickness again this past week, and the acid reflux has been terrible.  Tums, Rolaids, and regular Pepcid doesn't work.  My monthly appointment was today, and I asked for something more.  The midwives said I could try Zantac, a higher strength of Pepcid, and drinking rootbeer/eating peanut butter after each meal.  I'm not holding out hope that these things will work.  Little girl's heartbeat is in the 140s and I'm measuring just right.   

A couple of people at the grocery store have asked if I need extra help with things, I suppose from noticing my belly.  Unless I wear a billowing, large shirt, it's getting hard to miss.  The average pregnant woman should've gained 12-15 pounds by now--I have gained 8, which is on target for me.  I need to work on drinking more water each day, and starting to get exercise 4-5 days out of the week.

My next ultrasound is in 2.5 weeks, and I'll have my glucose screening at my next birth center appointment in one month. 

 

Scare

Peanut, you gave us a scare today!  Or maybe I just scared myself.  I had the "perfect storm" of anxiety brewed.
First, at your anatomy scan, we were told there was a retroplacental bleed (an area of blood behind the placenta, between it and the uterus).  The doctor wanted us to come back in six weeks to check on it--worst case scenario, it could lead to placenta abruption, which would be very dangerous for me and almost certainly fatal for you.
Second, our sweet friends at church lost their little girl a week ago, and we were almost the same length of time along.
Third, I had gotten used to feeling you move at regular intervals over the last 10 days, and Saturday, Sunday and Monday I nearly didn't feel you at all.  My normal discharge decreased, and my abdomen was tender, but very firm.
So, I called the Birth Center Monday, expecting a "silly first time mom, everything's fine, don't worry", but instead they asked me how far away I lived and if I could make it in to check for a heartbeat today.  This frightened me so badly that I started to cry and could hardly think straight, except to call Jared and my mom.  I asked some friends to pray, and asked mom to help me by asking some people to pray.  Jared took off work for a couple of hours to come with me to the Birth Center, where they were running 30 minutes behind (SO hard, I nearly went rummaging for the doppler myself).  The midwife got me on the table and put the doppler wand directly onto Peanut's heartbeat.  It was just fine, between 140 and 150, and the midwife said she was moving right then.  She looked at me and said, "did you feel that?"  I said no, and she said that she felt it from outside my belly--Peanut kicked up at the doppler and physically bumped the wand away.  I didn't feel it at all!

So, I was so relieved that I started crying again, and then I felt really silly, like Henny Penny who ran around telling everyone the sky was falling, when really an acorn just fell on her head.  I am very thankful for all the people who were praying for us--I was able to keep fairly calm after that initial response from the phone call.  I'm sure that was due to prayers.

22nd week starts today

Peanut, you are 21 weeks along today, starting week 22!  There's still three weeks to go until the "safety zone", where if you are born prematurely, you have a much larger chance of survival.  You weigh about one pound and are somewhere between 10 and 11 inches long.  You are developing your senses of sight, touch, hearing and taste.  You're grabbing the umbilical cord and practicing your grip.  You can perceive light and dark.  You can hear different voices, the dog barking, sirens, or loud TV.  And you can taste everything I eat, by swallowing the amniotic fluid.  We love you very much.  

Your lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and your eyes have formed, but the colored parts (the irises) don't have color yet.  You move often and I think I feel it now.  Sometimes it feels like someone's flicking my stomach with their finger.  Sometimes it feels like there's a potato in my stomach that's turning over.  I don't know about all that "butterfly" stuff, but that's what it feels like to me.  You will respond to singing and talking by moving.  Jared and I should choose a couple of songs to sing.  After you're born, the same sounds will probably sooth you. 

As for me, I feel okay.  I haven't thrown up in two weeks!  However, in that absence, I now have acid reflux.  There's an awful feeling in the back of my throat for most of the day.  People who know me notice my belly, but I feel like strangers still think I'm just fat.  It does take more effort to sit down and stand up from the couch, get in and out of the car, etc.

I have a birth center appointment next Thursday, and another ultrasound scheduled in three and a half weeks to check on the small area of bleed that we saw in the anatomy ultrasound. 

Sadness for a Friend's Loss

Today has been a somber day.  I have a friend from church and she and I were both due with girls.  We were both due the last week of June. She dilated to 3 centimeters and was at the hospital for a while yesterday, but it didn't stop.  She had her baby girl this morning, who passed away shortly after. She has two older children, which doesn't make it any less heartbreaking.  It means two more little dear hearts that have to grieve.  Please pray or send good thoughts to her and her family. Her name is Danielle.  Pray that they would find a way to grieve while still keeping their faith in God.  Pray that the people who love them will find the words, or the silence, needed to show that they care.  Pray that there will soon be comfort, peace, and complete healing.

20 weeks, starting #21

Whew!  Today has been a busy day of travel by air and by car--Mom and I are visiting Mimi and other family in Alabama for a few days. 

Peanut, you are 10.5 ounces heavy, 6.5 to 7 inches from "crown to rump", and about 10 inches from head to heel--the length of a banana.  Before now, you were always measured crown to rump, but from now on, you'll be measured head to heel.  You're swallowing more amniotic fluid these days, which is good practice for your digestive system.  You might even taste the things that I eat.  And you're producing meconium, which will become your first stool.   You are steadily gaining fat to keep warm, and buds for permanent teeth are beginning to form.  We love you very much.

I got sick again this past week--once every 7-10 days, like clockwork.  I'm still very tired, and I wonder if I'm getting enough iron--I will ask the midwives about it when I go in a few weeks.  I'm obviously pregnant now, not just fat.  And I am getting clumsy!  My center of gravity is off, and I teeter forward a little--I have to be careful if I'm on stairs or an escalator.  It is becoming more work to get out of the car, get up out of bed, or stand up from the couch. 

I am still not sure I am feeling Peanut move--there's nothing I can be certain of to say, "that was Peanut", instead of "that was gas/digestion/hunger".  I try not to worry about it, but I do.  At our anatomy scan, the only concern the doctor had was a small area of blood between the placenta and the uterus.  Those are supposed to completely line up and stay attached at all times.  The doctor didn't put me on limited activity or bed rest or anything, but he did schedule me for another ultrasound, mid-March, to see if the issue was resolving itself.  He said my body might re-absorb the blood; I might pass the blood; or worst-case, the blood would spread and pull the placenta completely away from the uterus.  This would be very dangerous for me and almost certainly fatal to Peanut.  Like I said, the doctor didn't seem very concerned, and I am trying not to worry.  But I am still cautious and a little anxious after losing Angel.    If you think about it, please pray that this issue would fix itself and that Peanut will be fine.   

The "Halfway" Point

Today marks 20 weeks for us, Peanut!  We are halfway to 40, which is probably not going to be the actual finish line....but it's as close as we can calculate.  I am traveling today and will be gone into the weekend, but hopefully I'll find time for a full post later today or tomorrow.  We love you very much!

Pictures from the Gender Share

Our Facebook Announcement Picture

                                     

Getting Ready to bite into the cupcakes...

It's a girl!

 The gender reveal cupcakes that Sarah of "Sarah's sweeTcakes" made for us.  Everyone loved them!

Pink inside to signify a girl on the way.  :)

Our little....

girl!  There's no guessing involved--you did what looked like a hand stand with a split during the ultrasound, and showed everything.  We'll still call you Peanut--we're not ready to share the name we chose.  We do love you very much.

I think there was a little disappointment (and guilt from feeling disappointment) when we found out.  Even though a healthy baby is most important....and we decided before marrying that we wanted two or three children....there was a hope that our first child would be a boy.

However, girls can play sports, climb trees, enjoy Legos, and look great in overalls, just like a boy.  I think, maybe, I'm just worried that well-meaning people will shower Peanut with girly, frilly, pink stuff that none of us (Jared, me, Peanut) will really like.  I want Peanut to grow into someone who's told, "You're funny, you're kind, you're smart" a whole lot more than, "you're pretty".  Worth comes from so much more than a "cutsie" or "girly" outfit.

So, Jared and I have instated a ban on ruffle-butt clothing and placed a limit on the amount of pink allowed in the house.  We'll make plans to go to the circus or the rodeo instead of "Disney Princesses on Ice".  And with God's help, Jared and I will raise a daughter in a way that's honoring to Him.