Starting Week 27!

Peanut, this is the last week of the second trimester!  You weigh around two pounds and you are 14.5 or 15 inches long from head to heel.  You recognize my voice and sleep and wake at regular intervals.  Brain tissue is developing very actively.  Your lungs are immature but would be capable of functioning if you were born now.  You can now cry, and you probably are sucking your thumb, which calms you and strengthens your cheek and jaw muscles.  We love you very much.

Most women have gained 16 to 22 pounds by now--I have gained 12-13.  I'm proud of myself!  The acid reflux has been giving me a break for a couple of days, and I'm thankful.  However, I am dealing with a lot of soreness, occasional foot cramps, and exhaustion.  I still sleep okay, I can still get around fine, I don't have any swelling or discoloration, and my innie is still an innie.  

I am just about ready to quit my job.  It is a toxic environment where I get no support.  Every few days, someone "above" me wants me to add another thing to my list of duties.  I can't get it all done or even remember it all during the day, so then it doesn't get done, and people get mad at me.  Whenever I might try to complain about how heavy the load is, how incompetent/clueless/unhelpful the new administration is, how challenging my class is, etc, I get a reprimand to "be more positive".  

The main reason I still go to work is guilt.  I would feel incredibly guilty leaving the other TAs with an added load.  I would feel guilty about jumping ship just as a new teacher was coming aboard.  I would feel guilty about leaving parents/students in the lurch as everything they knew about their first year in school changed.  I would feel guilty that the school just threw me a baby shower, and I thank them by saying, "see ya".  

But is that guilt warranted?  Or is it a throw-back to my years of poor self-esteem?  Is it worth it to not have the guilt, and instead have the stress, unhappiness, demoralization, despair even?  Is it worth it, knowing that continuous stress causes premature birth and low birth weight?  As a side note, yes, there is the matter of no more second paycheck and having to start paying for healthcare about three months early...but we were expecting that anyway, and what I'm paid is a disgustingly low amount anyway.  

We had a regular appointment this week and everything looked great.  Peanut's heart rate was good, growth was good, and I took my gestational diabetes test and haven't heard anything yet, which is good news.  

Life goes on, but change may be on the horizon.