A Most Probable Miss

Jared left yesterday afternoon...he will be back Thursday night, when it will be too late.  I don't feel I'm obsessive over getting pregnant, but it helps me plot out my dates if I write about them.  I'm bummed that this month is most likely a wash-out, but we will try again next month.  It looks like my cycle will be 28-29 days.  I hope that it will stay regular and trusty, like it was before everything.

Angel, I love you!  You're in my heart and my thoughts...you'll never be forgotten.  When I am pregnant again, and people ask if this is my first, I will tell them no.  You were my baby, and I was so sad and sorry to have to say goodbye to you.  Love you so much, sweetheart.

Stuff

There's not much to update on our journey towards parenthood.  Period was 4-5 days, a little shorter than what I was used to.  Jared and I will try to work around his being away, and hope my cycle is a little shorter (or longer) than 29 days.

Josie, our puppy, is a lot of work.  I knew she would be, but that doesn't make it better.  I love it when she naps--it means I don't have to entertain her, scold her about biting things, listen to her bark or worry about her peeing in the house.  I feel sure that I will love her when she's an adult, but I don't like everything that puppies entail.

Today is my Dad's birthday--we went to dinner with him this weekend and gave him his gifts.  It was nice to see him, and Mom and my brother, who has just purchased his first home!

Today is also my first day of being tracked-out from my year-round school.  Even with dealing with Josie, it beats a day in the classroom!  I really needed this break.

Like I said, nothing of substance.  Life is in those long, end of summer days where I try to soak in as much sunshine and warmth as possible, in some sort of effort not to freeze during the winter!

Scratch that.  Jared will be in Wisconsin for work the whole three days we should try.  So much for being pregnant by September, which seemed like a reasonable goal back in May, when I was told I would bleed for two weeks and then be back to normal.  Much disappointment.

New Start!

My period started today!  It has been four months and a week since my miscarriage, and 24 days since I stopped bleeding.  I felt such joy and relief when I found out.  Now I can at least make a plan and start trying to conceive again.  We should be able to try around the end of August.  

Sunday Again

I should try to get away from only posting on Sundays.  I haven't bled for fifteen days now.  If things are going to be normal from now on, I would expect to start bleeding again by August 20th.  It's hard to wait that out, because I'm not sure how much faith I can muster that God will allow my cycles to be normal.  He hasn't given me a break yet.

He could've let us have our child, but I miscarried.  He could've let the miscarriage be natural, but I needed pills.  He could've let the pills work, but I needed a D&C.  He could've let the D&C be complete and the bleeding stop after 2-3 weeks, but I bled for 9 weeks.

So here we are at the next "opportunity" for God to show me He is going to start blessing me again, instead of giving me pain.  But if, every time you met a certain person, they struck you in the face, what would you start to expect from them after a while?  I want to believe that God is turning His face back to me and will start blessing me again.  But I can't bring myself to wholly expect it, because I have gone through so, so many dark things in the last three months.