I've had a miscarriage.

I'll be bluntly honest from the start--it's been a week since I had to have a dilation and curettage surgery to complete my miscarriage of Jared's and my first baby.  I was ten and a half weeks pregnant when the heart stopped.  A week and a half later, we went in for our first ultrasound, suspecting nothing.  Our hearts were shattered, hopes dashed and our faith in God taken on a roller coaster ride.

But in the two and a half weeks since we found out, Jared and I have been, as strange as it sounds, blessed.  We immediately started growing closer as a couple, supporting each other instead of blaming each other.  We received so much love and so many prayers from friends and family, far and near.  Many women told me about their own miscarriage experiences.  And eventually, Jared and I found that our faith in God, while tested, grew stronger and we learned to walk even closer with Him.  And I can honestly say that I have closure--I think about my pregnancy and Angel (we don't know if it was girl or boy, but they're an Angel now) in passing, perhaps once a day.  But I don't dwell on it, and I don't feel overly sad anymore.  And I'm not ashamed of it.

I kept a blog of the whole pregnancy and grieving process, and to streamline, here's a link to Faith in Things Unseen.  I had kept the blog secret until we told everyone the pregnancy news, which was about the same time Angel passed away, unbeknownst to us.  I like to blog and, since Jared and I are going to start trying again very soon, I didn't want to continue on a public blog.  So, here we are.

I explained in great detail why we chose to call our first blog Faith in Things Unseen.  Little did I know how applicable that title would become.  Our new blog is titled, "All Things New".  It doesn't seem to need that much of an explanation, but it does have roots.  There's a song that I've been listening to a lot by Steven Curtis Chapman.  His young daughter was killed four years to the day that we found out about our miscarriage.  The song is "Beauty Will Rise" and talks about how God restores us after suffering and loss.

Continuing on "all things new",  I am reminded of Revelations 21:5, where God declares, "I am making all things new!"  And again in Deuteronomy 30: "God, your God, will restore everything you lost; He'll have compassion on you."  And I think of Psalm 71:20: "Though You have made me see troubles, many and bitter, You will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth, You will again bring me up."

Jared and I hold onto these promises from God and believe what He say.  His Word is true--He does not lie.  

Angel, we know that one day, we will meet you in Heaven.  We will miss you until then, and we will love you forever.