Goodbye, 2012

In the past, even-numbered years have been better to me than odd-numbered ones.  This year threw me for a loop, though.  Losing Angel was the most traumatic event that Jared or I have ever experienced.  The three full months it took for me to heal nearly broke me. 

There were blessings, though.  Jared got a great job, and I kept a job, we've lived for a year in our own home, we have a closer relationship, and are almost 15 weeks along with our second child.  My relationship with God has recovered, but it will never be the same as it was before my miscarriage.  I trust God...but I trust Him more like I trust Jared.  I know Jared loves me, and I know Jared's not "out to get me", but he's still capable of hurting me in incredibly deep ways, and I know at some points in our lives, he WILL hurt me, either purposefully or not. 

I'm hopeful that 2013 will surprise me with how wonderful it will be.  My hopes for the year are that Jared will be shown great favor in his job and be given a raise, and that I will be able to finish out the school year at my job and keep my health insurance long enough to be covered during labor and delivery.  I pray for health and safety for Peanut, with a positive labor and delivery experience at the Birth Center.  I hope that we will get some home improvement projects finished, such as paving the second driveway lane, taking down two pine trees, and sanding/sealing the deck.  I'd like to travel to Alabama and see my Mimi.  I'd like to take a vacation of some sort--the beach sounds nice right now. 

Less than two hours until a new year starts, and both Jared and the dog are fast asleep.  We are such boring people! :)

NT Scan Results and Pictures

I already posted about our first trimester ultrasound screen, and the initial numbers looked good.  I got a call this past week with the results from the blood work, which showed that Peanut has a less than 1 in 10,000 chance of having Downs Syndrome or a comparable disability.  That's as low as the chances go, so we are pretty happy with it!  Here are some pictures from the ultrasound.

 Head, neck and chest

 3D of baby

Full 2D image of baby, facing down

Start of Week Fifteen, and Another Appointment

Merry Christmas, a few days ago!  Jared and I had a nice holiday, staying in town.  All our family is here, too.  We received many gifts and were able to spend time with the people we care about.

Yesterday, I had another appointment at the Birth Center.  They want me to come once a month.  They checked vitals, we had question and answer time, and we listened to Peanut's heartbeat.  The heartbeat was a consistent 160 bpm, and it was obvious that Peanut was moving, because the sound kept getting fainter and then louder.  I was surprised to find out that I had lost 4.5 lbs in the last month or so.  I am now 1.8 lbs below my PRE-pregnancy weight.  It's weird, because I am wearing a bigger size of pants now, and more "flowy" tops (my regular ones are starting to stretch), so I don't know where I am losing the weight from.  The midwives/nurses didn't seem concerned, for now.  They did tell me to start a walking regimen, starting with 10 minutes a day and moving up slowly to 30 minutes, 5 days a week.  They also advised me to take papaya enzyme to combat my nightly sickness, and extra vitamin D for my deficiency.

Well, today is the start of week fifteen for you, Peanut!  You are comfortably into the second trimester.  This week you will weigh around 2-3 ounces and grow to 4.5 inches--maybe the size of a naval orange, or a regular sized apple.  You can kick, flex, and move your arms and legs all around.  You have enough strength, smarts and coordination to wiggle your fingers and toes and suck your thumb.  Your brain impulses allow you to squint, frown, smile, and form other expressions, as well as "breathe", suck and swallow.  Your ears are now in their proper place--and your eyes are moving from the sides of your head to the front.  We love you very much.

As for me....I'm still throwing up the last thing every night.  I felt okay for a few days straight, and now I'm back to being nauseous for most of the day and getting sick right before bed.  I am more than a little annoyed with it.  My belly is visibly poking out, and I still go to the bathroom an awful lot.  I am also lethargic.  I really hope to have more energy and less nausea in the coming week!

Our next regular appointment at the Birth Center will be towards the end of January, and Jared and I have made the decision not to announce when our anatomy ultrasound will be.  That way, we may have less pestering on what Peanut actually is.  I think we will probably share the news within a couple of weeks after we know, but we would like to have the time to revel and bond in the knowledge as a couple, and to share when we're ready for the world to know.  

NT Ultrasound, and Week 14

Today marks 13 full weeks and the start of week 14!  Peanut, you might start to sprout hair on your head and eyebrows this week.  You are also straightening out--your neck getting longer, your head more erect.  You are three inches long and weigh about an ounce.  We love you very much.

Two days ago, Jared and I went to Rex for the nuchal translucency ultrasound, which is an end of first trimester screening tool to check for the probability of things like Downs Syndrome.  Again, we went to the same place, sat in the same room, had the same ultrasound tech as when we had this down with Angel and found she was gone.  I was nervous up to the point where Peanut came on screen and immediately pushed out his/her little legs--like they were a frog's.  It was amazing to see Peanut moving so much.  He/She turned over constantly; a "roller", like mom. :)  Also, he/she got the hiccups towards the end of the ultrasound.  Peanut measured exactly three inches long and was estimated to be 3 -4 days of growth ahead of schedule.  The ultrasound showed great numbers and no concern for any defects.  I am still waiting on blood test results for further numbers, but I'm not worried.  With how much movement Peanut made (and none of it exactly in the right angle), there's no way to even guess what the gender might be.  We'll have to wait!

I am still throwing up--the last thing at night, almost every night.  I am more than tired of it.  Also, I've been exhausted this last week at work.  Partially due to the Christmas crazies infecting everyone at school, but also due to pregnancy.  I've told people that I know I'm just not myself, and it bothers me.  This past week I found a discernible "baby belly" on me, and Jared could tell the difference too...that was kind of exciting. :)  

In the remainder of this developmental week, some of Jared's family is coming in from out of state to visit for Christmas.  We're trying to finish buying a few last gifts, say hello to family, celebrate Christmas with my family, celebrate it with Jared's family, and hopefully have a few days to breathe before I go back to work for another six weeks.       

Sick!

It seems morning sickness simply moved out of the way for a sinus infection to move in.  I have a headache, stuffy ears and nose, a scratchy, sore throat, a cough, colorful mucus, fever, and no voice.  My face feels like Violet looked after she chewed the gum in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.  I did get physically sick once last night and once this morning, so I'm not sure I'm in the clear from that, either.

On Friday I went to Minute Clinic, a quick, nurse-run office that some CVS stores in the area have.  The nurse there told me the infection was viral and to go home, rest and take Tylenol.  The thing is, I have a long, chronic history of sinus infections, and none of them have ever been viral.  I have always needed an antibiotic to clear it.  But, she wouldn't write me a prescription, and sent me on my way with her advice, and minus $35 from my pocket.

So, after suffering horrendously all weekend and not being able to sleep at night, I am taking the morning off from work and going to my regular doctor, who has much more sense than the nurses at Minute Clinic!  Looking forward to getting an antibiotic and feeling better!

Twelve Weeks...and a day

I am a little late this week--yesterday was very full!  Peanut, you are starting week 13.  Information differs on whether you will grow to the size of a lime or a small peach this week.  Your intestines are moving from the umbilical cord into your abdomen, and your kidneys are making urine.  This week, you will start making reflexes.  Your fingers will soon begin to open and close, your toes will curl, your eye muscles will clench, and your mouth will make sucking movements.  You can move your arms and legs, and may be able to get your thumb to your mouth.  We love you very much.

Morning sickness has been pretty evil--2 or 3 times a day and nausea all day long--but knock on wood, I am feeling better so far today.  I do have some sinus issues, so I am still not feeling "great", but at least I have been spared nausea for the past four hours or so!  All but 1 pair of jeans and 2 pairs of dress pants are too small for me now.  I am trying to wait until January to shop, when clothes should be on sale, but I may have to break down and buy some new ones now.  I can gently press in the fat above my belly button and clearly see the "baby bump" below.

Our first trimester ultrasound screening is on Tuesday, 4 days away.  This is the test where we found out Angel was gone.  I feel like, if it goes well, this would really be the turning point on my worry and my ability to enjoy this pregnancy.  The test would tell us the probability of Peanut having Down's Syndrome or other mental or physical incapacities.  I am not really worried about that--none of it runs in either of our families, and we are healthy and young.  And even if something like that did come to pass, Peanut, we still want you.  We still love you.  It doesn't really change anything. 

Gender Guessing

Peanut, there's not a 100% way to know if you are a boy or girl until you are born, but it's sometimes fun to guess.  The lack of morning sickness early on said you're a boy.  I have had two strangers in two different countries proclaim you to be a girl.  The baking soda test said you are a boy.  The Chinese calender prediction says you are a girl.  The Shettles Method says you're a boy.    My cravings--salty food, meat and cheese--say you are a boy, too.  I am planning on trying to use the Nub Theory at our next ultrasound, and will post if I can get results, but the jury seems to be out!  We won't have a decent chance at knowing until around 18 weeks.  

Start of Week 12

Peanut, you are 11 full weeks today!  You are still growing a lot.  You are about the size of a large plum, or a fig.  Your digestive system is practicing contractions so you can eat, your pituitary gland is producing hormines, and your bone marrow is making white blood cells to fight off germs.  This week you will grow to a 1/2 ounce, and 2 inches long.  We love you very much.

I caught a stomach virus my first day back at work, and was knocked on my back on Tuesday.  I had horrible vertigo and dizziness, and severe vomiting.  It lasted about 24 hours and left me weak, but it's over.  "F" stands for frightening, freakish, and also my bra size.  It is terrifying and I need them to stop growing now!  If I press into my abdomen, I can feel the top of my uterus now.  And morning sickness, with help from the stomach virus, seemed to peak on Tuesday and has settled slightly the last two days.  We'll see if that trend continues.

Today, I finally got my first trimester screening ultrasound scheduled.  Instead of being within the week, it is another 11 days away.  The last (first) time we had this test, we found out Angel had passed away.  So, I am very nervous for this test and feel like I could truly breathe easier if everything goes well.

A baby in the womb at 12 weeks

Back to Work I Go

Tracking back in was hard today,  I was anxious about it last night.  This is my week to tend to the dog in the morning, and Josie had peed and pooped in the kitchen overnight.  (In fact, she peed in the kitchen four times today--most likely because she was having to hold her bladder for twice as long as she got used to while I was tracked out.)  After I took her out and cleaned her mess, I was nauseous and dry heaved in the sink for a while, which almost made me late...like I said, it was hard to go back to work.

Morning sickness is still on and off all day, every day.  I am really getting tired of it.  I'll be 11 weeks on Thursday and it really should peak by then.

The third grade teacher I help told her students I was expecting today.  They all wanted to know if I was having a boy or a girl.  Of course, the girls thought I would have a girl, the boys thought I would have a boy.  I figure I'll wait for the next ultrasound (should be within ten days) to be okay, before I tell the kindergartners.     

Angel's Due Date

There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world, and in our hearts.  

Our Angel, you will never be forgotten, and you will always be loved.