Kathryn, you are 9 weeks today, but you were officially 2 months old yesterday. We visited Dr. Ennis this afternoon, and she's very happy with your progress! You are 23.5 inches long (90th percentile), your head circumference is 15.5 inches (70th percentile), and you weigh 10lb 12oz (50% percentile). It seems you may be a tall girl!
You got five shots in your legs today, and also got the oral vaccine. You were straining for more of the oral vaccine, because it tastes sweet. The shots weren't fun--you screamed, but you were calm again within two minutes.
Dr. Ennis said you seemed developmentally on track in every way. Daddy and I are glad to hear that!
Monday, September 9, 2013
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Milestones
Kathryn, you are only seven weeks old and already you can do so much!
You started lifting your head at 1.5 weeks, and you're very good at it now. Another couple of weeks and I think you'll have full head control.
You are very attentive--you started tracking at two weeks. You like to follow objects and people with your eyes. It seems you're always ready to learn!
You started to coo at four weeks. You now make sounds like "guh", "ahh", "ehh" and "buh". I talk back to you--I say "yum", "ma", "bee", and "oh".
You recognize me and Jared and you calm down from crying when we walk into your line of sight.
You slept through the night at 5.5 weeks old, and have been making it a habit since then. You now sleep 7-9 hours straight each night!
You haven't quite "discovered" your hands--as in, looking at them--but you do use them to reach for things and to move things. You smile so big when you manage to move one of your hanging toys by touching it.
You laughed for the first time yesterday, at seven weeks old. We all want to hear more of that fun sound!
You started lifting your head at 1.5 weeks, and you're very good at it now. Another couple of weeks and I think you'll have full head control.
You are very attentive--you started tracking at two weeks. You like to follow objects and people with your eyes. It seems you're always ready to learn!
You started to coo at four weeks. You now make sounds like "guh", "ahh", "ehh" and "buh". I talk back to you--I say "yum", "ma", "bee", and "oh".
You recognize me and Jared and you calm down from crying when we walk into your line of sight.
You slept through the night at 5.5 weeks old, and have been making it a habit since then. You now sleep 7-9 hours straight each night!
You haven't quite "discovered" your hands--as in, looking at them--but you do use them to reach for things and to move things. You smile so big when you manage to move one of your hanging toys by touching it.
You laughed for the first time yesterday, at seven weeks old. We all want to hear more of that fun sound!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
I have postpartum depression.
This blog started with a similar, blunt statement--that I had a miscarriage. These two topics seem to have a "taboo" label on them, and I don't agree with it. Both are (sadly) common occurrences--why should anyone feel they should be ashamed or unable to talk about it?
Yes, I have postpartum depression. Kathryn's stay in the NICU kept me in "crisis mode" so that I was able to effectively push it away and ignore it. But, the second day we were home, I noticed a marked change in my attitude towards Kathryn, myself and life in general. I wasn't hungry and forgot meals. I didn't want to see anyone or go anywhere. I found it near impossible to smile, laugh, or engage in a conversation. I looked at Kathryn and almost felt an aversion, rather than a bond. While she slept, I had anxiety, dreading the moment she would wake up and need something from me. I didn't sleep, and it wasn't because of Kathryn, it was me.
I knew I was at risk for PPD. My mental health history includes some general anxiety and ADD. So I didn't wait long to talk with the midwives and seek help. By day five of being home from the hospital, I was on a prescription and had the name of a Christian counselor to schedule an appointment with. The midwives also called my family to give them information on PPD and some tangible ways they could help me.
The week after that was one of the lowest points I've ever had. My mother was there, faithfully, each day. She had to make sure I ate, slept, got off the couch and out of the house, and even had to make sure I fed Kathryn and interacted with her. I felt no love towards my child--she could've been anyone's newborn, for all I cared about her. I knew that feeling was wrong, but please try and understand that IT WASN'T HOW I TRULY FELT. My mind, my depression, was creating that lack of feeling.
If you find yourself feeling this way at all, please get help. Talk to someone you trust. These feelings aren't an honest reflection of you as a parent or a person, so there is no reason to be ashamed or keep it hidden. It is NOT YOUR FAULT for having postpartum depression. As I said at the beginning, it is very common after giving birth to find yourself in some level of depression, and you should always have someone you can talk with about how you are feeling.
A week after I started taking medicine, I felt a new change--I was able to smile! I was able to get myself dressed for a dinner date and enjoy it. Each day after that, I felt a little more "normal". I began to seek out time with Kathryn, instead of dreading it. I enjoyed food and I could sleep again. I felt more confident in my ability to function through each day. My mother-in-law spent that second week with me, another blessing.
I've been on medicine for about a month now, and have had a few meetings with the counselor. I feel "back to normal" at this point, and am so glad that I sought help immediately. I couldn't imagine trying to fight through those feelings for another day, much less another week or even a month! I'll urge you again, if any of the above sounds like your life, or if you recognize someone else with these feelings, please get help. Postpartum depression isn't anything to be ashamed of. You didn't do anything to get it, and there's not any proven way to prevent it. But there are many resources to treat it!
Those negative feelings--they weren't me. That was just the depression talking. Kathryn's six weeks old now, and I love her dearly. I love to spend time with her and get so much joy out of having her in my life. She's so smart, beautiful, and strong! This is the way I truly feel about my daughter. I am so thankful for modern medicine, my attentive midwives, the wisdom of Christian counseling, and the prayers, love and practical care from Jared and both of our families.
Yes, I have postpartum depression. Kathryn's stay in the NICU kept me in "crisis mode" so that I was able to effectively push it away and ignore it. But, the second day we were home, I noticed a marked change in my attitude towards Kathryn, myself and life in general. I wasn't hungry and forgot meals. I didn't want to see anyone or go anywhere. I found it near impossible to smile, laugh, or engage in a conversation. I looked at Kathryn and almost felt an aversion, rather than a bond. While she slept, I had anxiety, dreading the moment she would wake up and need something from me. I didn't sleep, and it wasn't because of Kathryn, it was me.
I knew I was at risk for PPD. My mental health history includes some general anxiety and ADD. So I didn't wait long to talk with the midwives and seek help. By day five of being home from the hospital, I was on a prescription and had the name of a Christian counselor to schedule an appointment with. The midwives also called my family to give them information on PPD and some tangible ways they could help me.
The week after that was one of the lowest points I've ever had. My mother was there, faithfully, each day. She had to make sure I ate, slept, got off the couch and out of the house, and even had to make sure I fed Kathryn and interacted with her. I felt no love towards my child--she could've been anyone's newborn, for all I cared about her. I knew that feeling was wrong, but please try and understand that IT WASN'T HOW I TRULY FELT. My mind, my depression, was creating that lack of feeling.
If you find yourself feeling this way at all, please get help. Talk to someone you trust. These feelings aren't an honest reflection of you as a parent or a person, so there is no reason to be ashamed or keep it hidden. It is NOT YOUR FAULT for having postpartum depression. As I said at the beginning, it is very common after giving birth to find yourself in some level of depression, and you should always have someone you can talk with about how you are feeling.
A week after I started taking medicine, I felt a new change--I was able to smile! I was able to get myself dressed for a dinner date and enjoy it. Each day after that, I felt a little more "normal". I began to seek out time with Kathryn, instead of dreading it. I enjoyed food and I could sleep again. I felt more confident in my ability to function through each day. My mother-in-law spent that second week with me, another blessing.
I've been on medicine for about a month now, and have had a few meetings with the counselor. I feel "back to normal" at this point, and am so glad that I sought help immediately. I couldn't imagine trying to fight through those feelings for another day, much less another week or even a month! I'll urge you again, if any of the above sounds like your life, or if you recognize someone else with these feelings, please get help. Postpartum depression isn't anything to be ashamed of. You didn't do anything to get it, and there's not any proven way to prevent it. But there are many resources to treat it!
Those negative feelings--they weren't me. That was just the depression talking. Kathryn's six weeks old now, and I love her dearly. I love to spend time with her and get so much joy out of having her in my life. She's so smart, beautiful, and strong! This is the way I truly feel about my daughter. I am so thankful for modern medicine, my attentive midwives, the wisdom of Christian counseling, and the prayers, love and practical care from Jared and both of our families.
Friday, August 9, 2013
One Month Old
Amazingly, 33 days have passed since Kathryn was born--she's 4.5 weeks old now! She had her one month doctor check-up today. Here are the highlights:
She weighs 8lbs 12oz --50th percentile.
She's 22.5 inches long--75th percentile.
Her head circumference is 14.75 inches--50th percentile.
She has a mild case of cradle cap that Jared and I will take care of with a special shampoo.
Her reddened eyelids are actually a common birthmark that will fade with time--they are usually termed "angel kisses". The redness will be more noticeable when she is excited or upset, for up to two years of age.
She is meeting developmental milestones a little ahead of schedule--she coos, grunts, tracks objects side to side and up and down, and is just starting to smile intentionally. When on her stomach, she can hold her head up for a few seconds, and today she batted at a toy hanging above her.
She got one shot today, and she is a VERY sensitive soul when it comes to those! The needle went in, and you could see the shock register in her face as she arched her back and took in the deepest breath she could before screaming. She hasn't had tears up to this point (newborns' tear ducts are immature), but when she cried from getting her shot, the tears came rolling. Bless her heart--at her two month appointment, she'll be getting five shots.
All in all, she's doing great!
She weighs 8lbs 12oz --50th percentile.
She's 22.5 inches long--75th percentile.
Her head circumference is 14.75 inches--50th percentile.
She has a mild case of cradle cap that Jared and I will take care of with a special shampoo.
Her reddened eyelids are actually a common birthmark that will fade with time--they are usually termed "angel kisses". The redness will be more noticeable when she is excited or upset, for up to two years of age.
She is meeting developmental milestones a little ahead of schedule--she coos, grunts, tracks objects side to side and up and down, and is just starting to smile intentionally. When on her stomach, she can hold her head up for a few seconds, and today she batted at a toy hanging above her.
She got one shot today, and she is a VERY sensitive soul when it comes to those! The needle went in, and you could see the shock register in her face as she arched her back and took in the deepest breath she could before screaming. She hasn't had tears up to this point (newborns' tear ducts are immature), but when she cried from getting her shot, the tears came rolling. Bless her heart--at her two month appointment, she'll be getting five shots.
All in all, she's doing great!
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Happy One Week!
Kathryn, you made your debut at 5:33am last Monday, July 8th, 2013. You were born at UNC Hospital in Chapel Hill. You were 7 pounds and 13 ounces, and you were 19.3 inches long. We love you very, very much.
After a week's worth of prodromal (non-productive) labor, I went into true labor Sunday morning around 9am. I labored at home until 4 or 5 pm when we drove to the Birth Center. Allison was on call. I mostly labored in the tub or on my side on the bed. Everything hurt, and I kept throwing up, which made me extremely dehydrated. Eventually I labored to 9.7 centimeters dilated and completely effaced, but I had no energy to finish it out. Plus, Kathryn had her elbow jutted out, making it almost impossible to push. Because of these things, Allison made the call to transfer me to UNC. I was given IV fluids and an epidural to restore my energy and strength. I rested 3-4 hours and woke to have my water broken. At that time we discovered meconium (baby's first poop) in the fluid, so the NICU team was put on standby. I pushed about 30 minutes and Kathryn came out beautiful and perfect. She was breathing, but it was taking her a lot of effort. Her apgar scores were 8 and 9 anyway. The NICU team wheeled her over to let me see her and touch her, and then wheeled her off. We weren't sure at that time what was wrong, although there didn't seem to be too much hurrying or concern.
I received a few stitches and rested for a couple more hours before being moved to a maternity room. Then we were told that Kathryn both swallowed and breathed in some of her meconium. It is a very thick substance, and when she breathed it into her lungs and then continued to try to breathe, the pressure built up in the lung and burst two holes in her lung. These, we were told, would heal on their own over a few days. However, it made congenital pneumonia, or other infections, possible. She would have to have her blood studied for infection and undergo a week-long treatment of antibiotics.
That week is almost over. Tomorrow is Monday again and we are very much looking forward to taking Kathryn home, although we are also a little nervous to be all on our own. This week has been tumultuous. We had no plan at all to be away from home more than one night, much less seven nights and eight days. We didn't have a plan for anyone to bring in the mail/paper, water the garden, watch the house, take care of the dog, etc. We didn't know where we would stay or how we would afford so many meals and parking fees.
God has sustained us through this time. He has provided ways for us to find free meals or people to bring food to us. He provided a place to stay, away from the hospital (for short breathers away from all the hospital-ness, and a place for Jared to sleep)(that had a free shuttle to and from the hospital); plus a place to stay within the hospital (for me as I needed to be available in order to breastfeed Kathryn). We've received many Facebook messages, texts, calls, and some visits to sustain our spirits. Even though this is very far from what our original plan was, we know it was God's plan and He will continue to provide for us as we are now waiting on receiving the bill for all this care.
I believe I had as natural a birth as possible without endangering my baby or myself, and I am proud of and content with that. God knew that Kathryn would need extra care as soon as she came out, so He guided our experience to put us in one of America's very best children's hospitals. To labor that far without medical interventions was no small feat, and I couldn't have done it without Jared's help and support. He was so strong, positive and encouraging. I really felt that he had the situation under his control and that he was determined to see me through until the end. I am so thankful for him.
We are a little nervous to be all on our own, starting tomorrow, but excited to start a "normal" parents-of-a-newborn life. We love little Kathryn and look forward to watching her grow in all sorts of ways.
Day Seven
After a week's worth of prodromal (non-productive) labor, I went into true labor Sunday morning around 9am. I labored at home until 4 or 5 pm when we drove to the Birth Center. Allison was on call. I mostly labored in the tub or on my side on the bed. Everything hurt, and I kept throwing up, which made me extremely dehydrated. Eventually I labored to 9.7 centimeters dilated and completely effaced, but I had no energy to finish it out. Plus, Kathryn had her elbow jutted out, making it almost impossible to push. Because of these things, Allison made the call to transfer me to UNC. I was given IV fluids and an epidural to restore my energy and strength. I rested 3-4 hours and woke to have my water broken. At that time we discovered meconium (baby's first poop) in the fluid, so the NICU team was put on standby. I pushed about 30 minutes and Kathryn came out beautiful and perfect. She was breathing, but it was taking her a lot of effort. Her apgar scores were 8 and 9 anyway. The NICU team wheeled her over to let me see her and touch her, and then wheeled her off. We weren't sure at that time what was wrong, although there didn't seem to be too much hurrying or concern.
I received a few stitches and rested for a couple more hours before being moved to a maternity room. Then we were told that Kathryn both swallowed and breathed in some of her meconium. It is a very thick substance, and when she breathed it into her lungs and then continued to try to breathe, the pressure built up in the lung and burst two holes in her lung. These, we were told, would heal on their own over a few days. However, it made congenital pneumonia, or other infections, possible. She would have to have her blood studied for infection and undergo a week-long treatment of antibiotics.
That week is almost over. Tomorrow is Monday again and we are very much looking forward to taking Kathryn home, although we are also a little nervous to be all on our own. This week has been tumultuous. We had no plan at all to be away from home more than one night, much less seven nights and eight days. We didn't have a plan for anyone to bring in the mail/paper, water the garden, watch the house, take care of the dog, etc. We didn't know where we would stay or how we would afford so many meals and parking fees.
God has sustained us through this time. He has provided ways for us to find free meals or people to bring food to us. He provided a place to stay, away from the hospital (for short breathers away from all the hospital-ness, and a place for Jared to sleep)(that had a free shuttle to and from the hospital); plus a place to stay within the hospital (for me as I needed to be available in order to breastfeed Kathryn). We've received many Facebook messages, texts, calls, and some visits to sustain our spirits. Even though this is very far from what our original plan was, we know it was God's plan and He will continue to provide for us as we are now waiting on receiving the bill for all this care.
I believe I had as natural a birth as possible without endangering my baby or myself, and I am proud of and content with that. God knew that Kathryn would need extra care as soon as she came out, so He guided our experience to put us in one of America's very best children's hospitals. To labor that far without medical interventions was no small feat, and I couldn't have done it without Jared's help and support. He was so strong, positive and encouraging. I really felt that he had the situation under his control and that he was determined to see me through until the end. I am so thankful for him.
We are a little nervous to be all on our own, starting tomorrow, but excited to start a "normal" parents-of-a-newborn life. We love little Kathryn and look forward to watching her grow in all sorts of ways.
Day One
Happy Family
Friday, July 5, 2013
Friday Appointments
Today, Jared and I first went to UNC for an ultrasound. It showed that my amniotic fluid is low, and the doctor who supervised informed me that, if I were her patient, she would induce me. We shrugged it off and went to the Birth Center for our non stress test. When the midwives read on our UNC report, which doctor had seen us, they rolled their eyes. The midwives told us they have spoken to her supervisor many times, because she is an alarmist who has scared the Birth Center patients on numerous occasions. The midwives told me that they are not concerned with my fluid levels at all--they are fine.
The non stress test went very well. It showed that Kathryn has great reserves of strength and energy for getting through labor, and we should have nothing to worry about.
We were sent home and have spent the afternoon getting rest and taking short walks. No other news to report right now!
The non stress test went very well. It showed that Kathryn has great reserves of strength and energy for getting through labor, and we should have nothing to worry about.
We were sent home and have spent the afternoon getting rest and taking short walks. No other news to report right now!
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Starting week 42!
Kathryn, you are 41 weeks developed, today! The world around us is getting antsier and more anxious, but you, me and Jared are keeping the zen. After all, you can't rush perfection. We love you very much.
Here's a 41 week picture from today. Kathryn has dropped, she is in a good position, and she continues to move a bit every day. Jared checks for her heartbeat and movement on a daily basis. I have been having prodromal ("fake") labor for about two and a half days--the contractions hurt, but are not overwhelming--more annoying. They are not properly time-able--some will be 5 minutes apart, others will be 30 minutes apart, or even hours later.
The "When to Expect" website that I mentioned a few posts ago now says I have a 65% chance of delivering this week. I really thought it would be higher than that! They say their best guess on Kathryn's weight would be 7lbs and 13oz. I feel like she is probably a little heavier than that.
The last time I was at the birth center (when I was 39 weeks and 4 days), I was scheduled for a biophysical profile that's to take place tomorrow morning. Basically, it's an ultrasound and a non-stress test, just to make sure that it's okay for us to keep waiting. If you pray, you can pray that both of these go well and that we will not face pressure for an induction. Jared and I want to have a natural and non-medicated birth, as long as Kathryn and I can remain safe and healthy.
Here's a 41 week picture from today. Kathryn has dropped, she is in a good position, and she continues to move a bit every day. Jared checks for her heartbeat and movement on a daily basis. I have been having prodromal ("fake") labor for about two and a half days--the contractions hurt, but are not overwhelming--more annoying. They are not properly time-able--some will be 5 minutes apart, others will be 30 minutes apart, or even hours later.
The "When to Expect" website that I mentioned a few posts ago now says I have a 65% chance of delivering this week. I really thought it would be higher than that! They say their best guess on Kathryn's weight would be 7lbs and 13oz. I feel like she is probably a little heavier than that.
The last time I was at the birth center (when I was 39 weeks and 4 days), I was scheduled for a biophysical profile that's to take place tomorrow morning. Basically, it's an ultrasound and a non-stress test, just to make sure that it's okay for us to keep waiting. If you pray, you can pray that both of these go well and that we will not face pressure for an induction. Jared and I want to have a natural and non-medicated birth, as long as Kathryn and I can remain safe and healthy.
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